Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
  • Author
  • Email Specialist

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Got a request for “Zombie Cop” readers.

There have been two or three reviews out of the 36 so far that have mentioned there being some kind of minor plot holes. One of the people who claimed this hadn’t read it closely enough (I contacted him directly about it) and that happens sometimes with fiction according to other novelists I’ve heard talk about it.

And, that may be case with my book, too.

Or, maybe not.

Whatever the case, me no likey plot holes.

Plot holes suck.

And, they’re annoying.

To be blunt, I can’t find any plot holes in it. Neither can my editor/publisher Greg who read through it — out loud — half a dozen times when doing the audio book version.

But still, we wonder.

Did we miss any?

Thus, my request for “Zombie Cop” fans.

If you saw a plot hole can you reply back and let me know where,
exactly, you found it?

That way I can:

1. Fix any that really are there

2. Clarify if something is murky causing someone to think there’s a plot hole, even if there isn’t one

3. Include the changes in the next edition

But, a caveat:

Make sure they are “for real” plot holes.

One guy nit-picked it to the point of silliness.

For example:

The kid in the book thought about some pain he had feeling like a hangover. But since the book never says he’s ever drank alcohol one way or the other, he said that was a plot hole. Yet, even if he never had a hang over before (and the book doesn’t say either way, it’s irrelevant) even people I know who have never had one know what it feels like simply by description of it being a bad headache, etc.

That kind of nit-picky stuff is not helpful.

If anything, it’s counter productive.

On the other hand, if it says the boy has the power to see in the dark, but in a later chapter he is in a dark room and says he can’t see jack shit, well, that’d be a plot hole that needs plugging.

(That may actually be one, I’m researching it next.)

Okay, so that’s that.

Oh, wait, your reward:

If you find a “for real” plot hole (not a silly nit-picky one) I will send you a free copy of my new “Vampire Apocalypse” book when it’s ready.


Okay then, let the monsters out…

Ben Settle

P.S. One more thing — completely off subject:

My “Email Players” subscribers have been asking about subject line ideas and templates. I haven’t been teaching this nearly as much as I should. So in the November issue (which mails in 2 weeks) I include an extremely profitable subject line template (that is about as far from “sexy” as you can get) that works like gangbusters.

I learned it from the copywriting genius behind Boardroom, Inc.

(Not directly, but via observation).

Hardly anyone else uses this template.

(That I’m aware of, at least.)

Like I said, just not “sexy” and “ninja” at all.

But, it works.

And, you know what?

I would bet someone else’s kidney, it’ll work for you.

Subscription info here:

Filed under: Email Marketing

Been many moons since I wrote a “props” email.

What’s a props email?

It’s an email where you reprint someone giving you, your product, or your service props (or, you could just call it a testimonial, but that doesn’t sound as cool to me…)

Self serving?


But so what?

If you don’t tell your list when you get props, who will?

Anyway, here goes…

“Email Players” subscriber Troy White, writes:

I’ve been in the crazy world of copywriting for 13 years, and grabbed one of the first spots in Ben’s Email Players subscriptions when it came out.

What a pure gem of money-making-mastery!

Every edition has made me money… and it took my emails to a whole new level of fun and craziness.

Thanks again Ben, you just keep on cranking out some stellar sales techniques there brother!

Troy White

BTW, Troy ain’t no slouch.

He’s one of Canada’s top performing copywriters.

He also wrote for Clayton Makepeace’s site.

And, he’s a helluva guy.

(Interviewed him last week for “The Ben Settle Show”.)

All right.


Subscription info here:

Ben Settle

“Baby there you go, actin like a ho”

- 2Pac
“There U Go”

Today’s controversial “Ben Settle Show” analyzes the 3 kinds of hoes (male, female, and business).

It also reveals:

  • What a time hoe is… and why they’re always broke and struggling.
  • The single best and most reliable way to sell a service.
  • The stupid (and popularly taught) thing I did early in my copywriting business that guaranteed no client would pay me anything and hire someone else instead. (If you are doing this, stop — reverse course, and do what I say in the podcast starting yesterday.)
  • The mistake almost all online marketers make that makes their list turn hostile on them.
  • What a man should tell a woman who won’t date him if she asks him to help her (with moving something, favors, listening to her cry on his shoulder, etc).
  • Why so many men get “friend zoned” by the women they want.
  • What too many men do that guarantees no woman will ever date, love, or marry them.
  • What too many women do that guarantees no man commits to them or “wifes” them up.
  • And a ho (heh) bunch more…

Download it here:

Ben Settle

You ever meet a “time vampire?”

Dan Kennedy seems to talk about them a lot.

They’re nasty, dangerous things, too.

In fact, I can think of one case where one basically “stole” several thousands smackeroos right out of my pocket.

Here’s what happened:

About 10 years ago, a marketer emailed me about hiring me for some projects. He seemed a decent fellow — well spoken, professional, serious. And he wanted to “chat” for a few minutes about his project to see if I was the right copywriter for ye olde copywriting job.

So we jumped on the phone and I did my thing.

And boy was I on FIRE!

I thought I could sell him by “wowing” him with my brilliance, and giving him my best ideas for his product, advertising and marketing strategies. And at the end of the call… after giving up the “goods” like that… I figured, how could this dude NOT hire me to write his advertising?

Well, guess what?

He didn’t hire me.

I never made a dime from the effort.

And I wasted a lot of time.

That’s when I knew Dan Kennedy’s “time vampires” ARE real.

They DO skim the shadows.

And, if you let them, they WILL sink their teeth into your neck and drink deeply of your ideas, solutions and knowledge without giving you one red cent in return.

But you know what the really bizarre part is?

They look, act and sound “successful” — like serious players, instead of bottom-feeding blood thirsty villains. Which is why the best way to protect yourself from time vampires is the same way people do it in the movies:

Don’t even invite them in!

Just like traditional vampires, time vampires can only attack you if you “invite” them in — which is why I never get on the phone with anyone for free anymore.

I suggest you do the same thing, too.

Protect your time like it’s your life.

And whatever you do… don’t give it away free.

And speaking of time…

Tomorrow’s “Ben Settle Show” talks about what I call time hoes.

What they are.

Why they’re always broke.

And, why no client wants to “wife” them up (i.e. pay them).

It’ll be up tomorrow.

Download past shows here:

Ben Settle

Filed under: Email Marketing

An “Email Players” subscriber askeths:

I have a 30-day autorespondeur using your system.

It converts well.

Within this 30-day autorespondeur, 80% of my sales occur the first 7 days.

So let’s say I make 10 sales in 30 days : I make 8 sales in 7 days (1 email for 1 sale approx.). Then, I send 23 more emails and make… only 2 additional sales (12 emails for 1 sale only !).

Question is: what difference would it make to write 70 more emails ?

Will I then make 1 sale every 20, 30 or 40 emails ?

OR will I get a big reward from readers that were just so skeptical they HAD to go through 100 emails ?

Excellent question.

It comes down to simple ben-o-nomics.

But first, some context:

His question was regarding a teaching I did about how I like to set up 90 emails in a sequence. I do this based on how well this has worked for me and certain clients as far as overall conversions over time.

(Not opens, clicks, etc, which are irrelevant compared to sales.)

Everyone’s milage will vary.

But, using his example:

Over the long term, even 1-2 extra sales can add up to hundreds more sales (especially when you count back end transactions from those couple extra sales) over the coming months, years, decades, etc.


Some people just aren’t ready to buy right away.


Who knows?

Maybe they just don’t have the money.

Maybe the problem your product solves simply isn’t painful enough yet, but they stick around in case it “flares” up.

Or, maybe they’re just procrastinators.

(Got lots of them out there.)

So I take a long term view.

One or two extra sales per month can compound on itself over time, and turn into many extra rubles — epecially if you have a strong back end.

So that’s my humble (but accurate) opinion.

The hard part for most is writing that many emails.

90 emails?


Most people can’t write 9.

Or, they simply don’t have time.

The solution?

Next month’s “Email Players” issue reveals exactly how to bang out emails fast — even in as little as 4-minutes or less.

No joke, amigo.

I’ve done it many times.

And, you will, too.

That is, if you get in on time.

Subscription info here:

Ben Settle

True story:

Recently, my copywriting apprentice came over to get some work done (i.e. cook, clean, write emails, etc). It was afternoon and she breached Castle Settle protocol by not even showering or combing her hair before arriving.

Apparently, she thought it was casual Tuesday.

(Yes, she was lectured.)

Anyway, here’s why this matters to you:

She was working downstairs at my kitchen table listening to Halloween music, and I decided to take a break from editing my newest novel “Vampire Apocalypse” and meddle in her work.

My stairway is next to the kitchen.

Thus, she was sitting with her back to me.

And what happened was, I came down while she was listening to a spooky organ-type piece called “The Brides” from the “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” movie score. And as I walked down the steps, I saw her at the table, back to me, her hair standing up and out like some kind of ghoul, typing on her laptop, moving her shoulders up and down, and side by side, to the music.

From where I was, it didn’t look like she was typing.

It looked like she was playing an organ.

Like SHE was playing the creepy music.

It amused me.

And, thus, lessened the severity of her punishment for breaching Castle Settle dress code.

Anyway, that music was delightfully menacing.

What I call “horror epic.”

So what did I do?

I marched back up to my office.

Downloaded the piece from Amazon.

And resumed editing “Vampire Apocalypse” while listening to it.

(Kinda poetic, eh?)

And guess what?

That music had a HUGE impact on the chapter I was writing. (Chapter 6 — probably the best chapter in the book). It made the chapter FAR better than it would have been. Made it more entertaining, too. And, dare I say, more eerie and disturbing.

The lesson:

Music impacts writing.

I don’t care if you’re writing fiction. Or how-to books. Or, yes, emails. Frankly, I often turn on specific music to match my email’s “theme.”

I suggest you do thou likewise, Count Chokula.

Anything that stirs emotions will do.


If you want your emails to be even more profitable, check out the “Email Players” newsletter.

It seems expensive.

Maybe even hair-raisingly so.

But really, it’s just $3.23 per day.

Even Dracula’s unemployed brides could afford that.

Subscription info here:

Ben Settle

Dramatis personae:

Yesterday I talked about a chick who wants to hire me to sell some kind of hair washing product. But, I needed to gather a bunch of references and, this was the kicker, I am to send her some issues of my “Email Players” newsletter (you know, the one others pay for) so she could get some “ideas.”

At first, I thought it was a joke.

Like I was on “Candid Camera”, or something.

But no.

It was real.

And, she replied saying how my joke about raising and caring for her bastard child while I’m at it wasn’t funny, and what about my so-called love for everyone?

She also insisted I reply fast, because she’s in a hurry.

Oh, and I’d only get paid on commission.

No upfront fees.


Because, and I quote:

“This is only fair because if you’re advertisement does not work it is really on you. This is totally fair.”

Let’s have some more fun with this.

Forget for a second I don’t even do client work.

Forget for a second I never claimed to “love everyone.”

Forget all that.

Let’s talk about her silly little offer.

I should only work on commission because it’s on me if her unproven, untested, and uninteresting product fails.

It’s also on me if her list is crap.

If her offer sucks.

And if her product ends up with zero demand.


It’s like when I once went 8 days without showering.

I thought I still smelled fresh.

But everyone else?

Not so much.

And that’s how it is with offers like this.

It’s blatantly low class jackass and silly to everyone who hears it. But the would-be clients who dream them up think they smell fresh — and they’re doing people a favor.

Amusing times.

Anyway, enough comedy.

On to bid’niz:

Next “Email Players” issue has a bonus list building training — specifically, about using contests to build lists.

Fascinating stuff.

And, not widely taught.

Subscribe here to get it:

Ben Settle

It just don’t get better than this:

Dear Mr. Settle, can I call you ben or do you prefer Benjamen?
My name is ___ and I have a new product that will change the way people wash their hair.  this is true.  A new technique and it will impress so many.
I need to hire you to create a marketing campaign.  Please send to me a list of some clients who I can ask for a reference on your work.  Then we will discuss the direction I need you to take after I contact them.

also, because I want to hire you will you please send a couple of months of email players product.  i need to get some ideas.  After I get this all from you I will let you if I will sign a contract for your hire and then (and only then, you understand trade secrets = I am certain you do), Ill let you know what my idea is all about.  Looking forward to a swift reply because i want to get this going this week.


Can I raise and support your bastard child as well?


Pretty please???

I suppose this shouldn’t surprise me.

It’s Halloween time, after all.

And that’s when the trolls come out to play…

All right, onto more important news:

Last weekend Producer Jonathan (who produces “The Ben Settle Show” podcast) did a special $100 off sale on my Copywriting Grab Bag product. It stunned me how many “Email Players” subscribers emailed after the deadline saying they wished they could have gotten it in time, etc.

Why did it stun me?

Because EP subscribers *already* get it for $100 off.

It’s one of the perks of subscribing.

Kinda sloppy marketing on my part.

(What I get for assuming they already knew.)

Anyway, there’s a lesson there.

Hope you found it.

In the meantime, go here next:

Ben Settle

Filed under: Email Marketing

“You see, it’s the slow knife…the knife that takes its time. The knife…that waits years without forgetting…then slips quietly between the bones. That’s the knife…that cuts deepest.”

-Talia al Ghul
“The Dark Knight Rises”

So here’s the thing…

Lately my site has been attracting more newbies than usual.

And, I’m getting the same question about how they can compete against people in their market when they’re just starting out, fresh off the turnip truck.

Of course my response is always:

Start emailing.

Every day.


And, what should happen (if you do it right) is, over time (assuming you have a good offer, and are building a qualified list — without those two things you’re dead in the water no matter what) you start building your reputation.

A fan base starts to form.

People start trusting you.

Other businesses may want to joint venture with you.

And, customers start to buy from you.

Does this all happen overnight?


Sales certainly can happen right away.

But, that whole “overnight business” shtick probably sounds great from the stage from the speaker in the $2k suit who struggled for years to build his own business… but in reality it just doesn’t work that way.

You gotta look at your business long term.

Be prepared for setbacks and failures.

And, use some common sense.

But if you are relentless in your approach, wise in who you pick as teachers, and ruthless about pursuing your goals… then your emails become like the “slow knife” Talia al Ghul mentions in the movie “Dark Knight Rises” to ye olde goo-roos you compete against.

Then what happens is this:

One day, your personal brand is ingrained in your market.

(And certainly to your list.)

Your product is being raved about and is changing lives.

And your “knife” slips quietly between the bones of your shnazzy goo-roo competitors’ businesses who are just one failed launch away from living on the streets because they never bothered to build a real business themselves.

That, my little droogie, is the slow knife of persistence.

The knife that takes its time.

The knife that waits months and years without forgetting.

And, yes, the knife that cuts deepest.

And it’s yours for the slashing.

But, there are no “guarantees”.

One guy recently said he needed “proof” my system will work for him outside of the free pdf “Email Players” issue I give away when subscribing to my list… or the almost dozen hours of free audio and video training on my media page… or the daily email tips… or the success stories of other subscribers I sometimes publish on my blog.

That’s someone who needs a safety banky.

But there IS no safety banky in business.

Eventually you gotta stop clinging to mama’s skirt.

Eventually you gotta decide to take action.

And, eventually you gotta stop fantasizing about it and DO it.

Then, KEEP doing it.

Yes, even during down times and when it looks like nothing will ever happen (every successful business person I know has gone through that period, you just gotta riiiiide it out, babycakes…)

I can teach you how to wield the slow knife of persistence.

It’s what I do in the “Email Players” newsletter.

But, it’s not “cheap”.

And, it surely ain’t for the skirt clingers.

More info here:

Ben Settle

Getting sloppy in my old age.

I failed to mention this weekend that “Ben Settle Show” Producer Jonathan Rivera is having a sale for my “Copywriting Grab Bag” product.

It’s $100 off the normal price.

But, only for the next 2 hours.

(As of this email being sent.)

It’s jam-packed full of my best copywriting tips, strategies, and ideas. It has also gotten rave reviews from world class Internet marketers like Terry Dean and Ken McCarthy… as well copywriters who have written ads for Apple Computer, Tony Robbins, Jim Cramer (of CNBC’s “Mad Money”), The Anaheim Angels, and more.

But, a word of warning:

This is a MEATY product.

It’s not something you buy on impulse.

(There are no refunds, and all sales are final.)

And, it’s intended ONLY for people dead serious about copywriting.

Grab the ‘bag for $100 off here:

Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
  • Author
  • Email Specialist