Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
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  • Email Specialist

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File under: Email Marketing

Came a question about dating and persuasion Sunday night:

Very quick background: been talking to this girl for about 4 weeks now. Have had 5 dates but I wouldnt consider us dating because she’s been traveling on business a lot and we havent talked much lately. The first two weeks it was hot and heavy.

I hit her up and saw her today for the first time in 10 days. It was fun, got lunch, had a great makeout session. She said she was free all week to hang out so I texted her a couple hours later saying “Good seeing you, and yes just give me a call and we’ll get together for some homemade dinner and the office marathon” (she was saying how we need to watch the office). I tend to overpursue women by asking them out too much so I threw the ball in her court with that text. I’m sure it’s cringe worthy, but I want her to chase me… I fully intend to not contact her until she contacts me.

But…….

Question: With fuggin V-Day coming up, I’m not sure if I should call her on that day or just pretend it doesnt exist. I know its an “emotional” day for women, especially since she’s recently single. Would reaching on that day be a case of overpursuing again? Did I fug up?

I’m a recovering mushcookie so I know you probably cringed reading this but I’m trying to get better and actively dating/meeting girls lol. I usually lose girls after 2-3 dates but this one has stuck around so far to 6 dates. Progress :b

Thanks elBenbo

My advice:

  • He cares way too much about it all, way too soon (or he wouldn’t have had to ask).
  • To help get his mindset right, he should find something fun to do tomorrow that he really wants to do, regardless if she wants to go with him or not, and leave his phone at home.
  • Another option is to make plans with another girl for that night now, before he hears from her. That way he’ll be in a position to choose, and literally not care either way if she comes around or not or even texts him back or not.
  • What’s important is he doesn’t pedestalize or supplicate out of fear of loss or a scarcity mindset. And, that he shows zero neediness. Chicks can sense neediness a mile away.
  • He should also assume the flake. Thus, why he should make plans that are more fun to do than hang out with her (whether he invites her to tag along or not), so he almost hopes she does flake. The purpose of this is to shift his state of mind to genuinely have outcome independence, like her a little less than she likes him, and, thus, not be needy, which will only increase her attraction for him.

More:

He should also test her constantly to see if she’s still in to her ex, since she’s recently single.

Best way to do that?

Try to persuade her to give her ex another chance and get back with him. Not just half ass it, either, but really let her go and try to get her to go back.

If she goes or ponders it, he dodged a bullet.

If she doesn’t and is genuinely over her ex, her attraction level will soar for him. He’s basically anti-needy. It’s Jim Camp psychology trying to get a no, while also qualifying the lead.

That way, it’s a win-win for him regardless of what happens.

Anyway, many persuasion lessons embedded in this email.

(That apply to email, sales copy, face to face selling, all manners of influence.)

I hope you caught them…

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www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
  • Author
  • Email Specialist

PO Box 2058 | Bandon, OR 97411, United States | (815) 425-4483 | ben@bensettle.com

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