Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
  • Author
  • Email Specialist

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Your Daily Email Addiction

File under: Email Marketing

One of my influences for how I run my business, deal with my audience, and interact with people that seems mysterious to many — but is just Captain Obvious common sense to me is something I learned from my family.

Specifically, my mom’s side of the family.

It’s a biggish family.

And, they are all huggers (I take after my dad’s side on hugs, nobody hugs on dad’s side… we’re true Midwesterners — we love each other so much we sometimes *almost* tell each other) and Loyal to a ridiculous fault that makes the term “blood is thicker than water” laughable.

Anyway, all my life I noticed something:

It’s very hard for outsiders to get “in” on my mom’s side of the family.

It drove my ex-wife nutzo.

It drives almost everyone who marries into that family nutzo.

And, it even drove one of my ex-girlfriends nutzo (she took it personally even though she’d never met any of them…)

What do I mean by “in”?

Let’s just say when we (my uncles, aunts, etc) are all gathered around, it’s very difficult for anyone else to join the conversation without being ignored, somewhat mocked, or even, in a few extreme cases, outright told to hit the bricks.

Again, I have noticed this my whole life.

But, it wasn’t until my grandma’s funeral a few years ago when I heard a couple of my uncles discuss it that I started realizing I’ve been doing this in bid’niz for years.

I ignore 99% of people who email me.

And, I especially ignore anyone who tries to small talk me or bait me into drama.

The few left over are “in.”

The rest?

It sometimes takes years to get my attention.


Because that’s just how I am. I have multiple layers of security in my mind — more layers than the circles of hell in Dante’s Inferno, I reckon. The marketing proles and drama queens take it personally, of course. But it’s not personal at all. I simply prefer living by a principle of preferring 4 quarters to 100 pennies.

If someone doesn’t like that?

Tough bewbies.

Anyway, here’s why I am prattling on about this:

I think there is some kind of self projection going on where I assume *everyone* is like this. That everyone makes it hard to get in. That everyone has a very small inner circle of trust and they ignore everyone else. This is, of course, a bad assumption on my part. Except for the fact, it has forced me to learn how to write ads and email and do things in a way where I assume everyone is as guarded as I am.

This makes me write my ads and emails differently than a lot of people.

It’s why I don’t just use the typical shallow tactics most marketers do.

It’s why I work hard to plumb the depths of human psychology (when it comes to persuasion).

And, it’s why, I believe, I have a much tighter bond with my list than practically everyone I know.

(Even if it is rather one-way, but so be it…)

Anyway, do with this info what ye will.

But if you approach all your persuasion activities as if you are trying to get “in” with someone like me or my family, it will force your ads to be more persuasive.

All right.

Enough brimstone for the soul.

If you want to learn how I use email to get “in” even on the hardcore skeptics, check out “Email Players”.

Here’s the link:

Ben Settle

  • Novelist
  • Anti-professional
  • Author
  • Email Specialist

PO Box 2058 | Bandon, OR 97411, United States | (815) 425-4483 |

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