I’ll be implementing a lot of them before the start of the new year.

THANK YOU,

Rich

Rich, your having the cajones to post your letter here will serve you well. You should always have someone who you trust knows their stuff give your copy a fresh eyes review before unleashing on your market.

With that said, I only had one question. Do people really believe before and after pictures? I mean really. Anyone with any common sense knows pictures can be altered. And the diet market has been known to have some real diabolical “do whatever it takes to get the money” dirt bags abusing their vulnerable customers.

It seems to me that home made, kinda junky-looking home video wouldn’t set off the “Yeah, right” alarm in your prospects mind. Yeah, if it was Stephen Spielberg quality film on a polished set it might… but not if it was my husband or sister shooting the video in my living room with kids yelling in the background a dog at your feet and normal living room lighting.

If you’ve seen Get Altitude you’ll remember the part where Joe Polish busts out his little $50 dollar or something like that video camera and shoots video of him and Eben talking on stage and has the crew play it for the crowd so they can see the quality of these little cheapo cameras.

He was talking about the idea of sending these cameras to your customers who you’re seeking a testimonial from. It seems that almost no market would benefit more from this kind of proof than yours Rich.

The key is homemade. Not informercial quality.

Please, somebody let me know if someone is already pulling this off successfully in weight loss. I’d love to study their site.

Keep thickening your skin and your knowledge by asking for feedback Rich,

Note Taking Nerd Numba 2
http://www.mynotetakingnerd.wordpress.com

And it’s already been mentioned, but the first thing I noticed was a lack of testimonials. With over 3,700 success stories, someone needs to step up and tell us how good this program really is!

Again, thanks for this opportunity!
Dan Clark

I treated this as I would any other sales ad that I clicked on- I only went as far as I was interested.

I made it to the spin test- and then just scrolled down the letter.

I think that most of my critiques have already been covered:

- Women in photo does not even look like someone in the target market
- The Spin Test seemed a little weird
- The letter was way too long
- Needs some before and after pics
- Wouldn’t have the bullet talking about urine and feces highlighted as there are better ones

Sorry if this was a little strong

Jen

I like the tip from (believe it is Bob Bly) that a sales letter’s length should be in proportion to the cost of the product.

Letter way too long … most especially for an e-book selling on the web.

As a prospect and weight loser … I believe you are talking to mostly women who have tried it all. IMHO … when I hit any fear and/or emotional messages that remind me to think badly of myself or focus on what’s wrong versus what’s right and possible to do, I STOP reading.

You need shorter, more compelling headlines, and subheads. These may be all that get scanned.

And … I would use more personality marketing and genuinely offer information about the author, and why I should listen to her.

If the e-book isn’t being written by someone who has been through the experience, I wouldn’t even attempt the project. Yes … Diane being negative. I hate that I said that.

With everything as hard as it is for everyone, I’d turn this piece around and make this a “Greatest Weight Loss Tools” kind of a piece. If the book is that good, set it apart, by show casing what can be done, and nix the negative stuff that helps people have bad self talk and get more depressed.

Make sure that any and all “urgency” messages are actually truthful.

Lastly, and for some outrageous marketing, I’d add a “tips and tricks” essay contest where the prospects write an essay on “habits, tricks, and tips” that work for them, giving away an email mentorship and ebook/products free. That way, the author could have her next “Best Of” ebook research done for her.

I adore Nick Usborne’s Sectrets …

Tell me “I Can” like I was a little child.
Give me a reason to read the letter.
Remember, you’re not selling one ebook, you’re selling 20.

And lastly, on the web, we’re not just writing to our prospects …
We’re writing to ourselves and our fellow marketers.

With a weight loss product, the news and reputation of this product will travel fast. If the author is willing to add more of herself and create a community, she will have a site where her back end products will keep on “helping” (not selling) her community.

And as Joe Vitale says … Dare Something Worthy!

If Ms. Jolan has sincerely written this book to help people with their health and well being, I would add those show case that!

Diane

p.s. Thanks Ben. Great idea and practice for all of us!

Please lose the hottie. If an overweight middle aged lady sees that, whoosh goes the attention. All the way back to the youth etc. And the thought ” Yeah, right. She has never been fat. So how can she tell me how to lose weight?” will come up immediately. The goal just seems too far.

I would maybe use a headline like this:
“If there was a chance today for a method to make all those embarrassing lumps dissappear for the price of One Dinner & Movie Out……?

Would you trade me?”

You could possibly look at the aspect of including a mention that the family could be on this system as well, because there is nothing as lonely as a person being the only one in a family on a more healthy living and eating method for weight loss. Especially for a busy middle aged woman that is quite likely a mother and wife, with a possible career on the other hand.

Her husband is also possibly overweight, and she does not want the kids to follow.

It would make more sense to her to prepare a single type of meal, as well as to buy her groceries
with the whole family in mind. It will help with the snacking while preparing. Deadly while cooking and packs the pounds on, oh so sneakily. Show her how to take temptation out of the loop because the whole family is in on it.

I would also change the name of the book to something like this ” The Ultimate Family Eating Guide” (Title)
“The family fat fighter with no more lonely diets” (subtitle) because a mother and wife is the centre
of the family. The embarrassment of my wife/mother is on yet another diet will be out of the loop.
Diet is a four letter word, and with a history of unsuccessful diets, it is really a rub.

Maybe also mention that she did not get fat alone overnight, so the solution will not be overnight either, but if the family was involved, who knows?

Just my quick two cents. I wish you enormous conversions and sales.

Tommy

Having been a certified personal trainer (before a serious accident), I question the validity of the endocrine-spin around test. You should probably try to find a professional that agrees with that-and add their testimonial.

Other than the overall length of the letter, especially the bullets, my only other major problem is…where are your (her) credentials? I think it’s mentioned once that she is or was a trainer? Anybody can make that claim, I would need to know more about where her information comes from. What makes her an authority on the subject? Is it safe for me to follow her direction?

I agree with some of the others that commented about losing the picture. Some before and afters (especially from previous clients-if any) would go a long way.

Good luck

1. I thought the spinning test was interesting, but I wanted to know what medical authority recognizes this as a reliable test of endocrine system performance.

2. The photo did not relate to the topic; only a before and after photograph would be relevant–and not just a head shot.

3. The headline promises losing weight in 15 seconds a day, but the topics highlighted in the book covered activities and additional purchases like supplements that clearly indicate more than 15 seconds and the purchase price of the book are involved.