Gonna change things up a bit, today…

Below are some people/businesses that have provided me with outstanding service over the past few years. In fact, they’ve done such a good job fixing all my problems for me I hereby bestow upon them the prestigious title of:

“Ben Settle Approved”

Yes hoss, they get my seal of approval.

(Which is as rare as hens teeth these days…)

Anyway, here they are:

1. American Express (credit card & merchant account)

Whether you’re applying for a card or a merchant account, these are the CLASSIEST people you’ll ever talk to.

Yes, classy, that’s the word.

In fact, this may sound dorky (it is kinda dorky), but…

If I had a bad day (I don’t have bad days, but IF I did…) I’d probably think up some lame excuse to call American Express just to have my spirits lifted by one of their customer service reps. Not to mention the killer cash-back offers they have where I now pay for everything I can with my American Express card.

Don’t leave home without it, babycakes.

2. Selby Marketing (printing & mailing services)

I’ve written about this outfit before.

If you have any printing, mailing, etc that needs doing, Rich, Trina and Michelle run a fine oiled machine. They treat your business like it’s their own, and in the 2+ years I’ve used them, I have NEVER had a single problem with them:

www.SelbyMarketing.com

3. Becki Maxson (transcription services)

Becki Maxson is like the “American Express” of transcription.

Classy.

Fast.

And, uncannily accurate (I don’t know how she does it).

Plus, her rates are generous, too.

Her website is at:

www.WordsIntoProfits.com

4. Mr. Subtle (Design services)

Hands down my favorite designer.

The cool thing about Mr. Subtle is not just that he holds goo-roos in even more contempt than I do (and relentlessly mocks them in ways that have you laughing for days — and even weeks — later)… but his work ALWAYS exceeds my expectations.

Plus, he knows direct response AND design.

A rare combo these days.

Anyway, here’s his site:

www.MarketingBrainFarts.com/4hire.html

5. Bob Montgomery (incorporation services)

I only recently met Bob Montgomery, as I needed help setting a new LLC up in Oregon after my recent move.

I’m not a DIY’er with these things.

And he made the entire process 100% painless.

The URL below is for Oregon, but he does incorporation services in every state:

www.incsource101.com/oregonllcincorporation/index.html

6. Russell Fox (accounting)

I don’t know if he’s taking new clients on or not. But what I DO know is, I’ve gone through accountants like underwear over the past 11+ years and Russ (who is an enrolled agent) is by FAR the best I’ve used.

Plus, his blog is highly entertaining.

(In a dry humor kinda way…)

Always a good, informative read:

www.TaxableTalk.com

7. Email Players

What?

You thought I wasn’t going to sneak in a plug for my own high quality, life-changing product?

Oh ye of little faith…

www.EmailPlayers.com

OK, that’s a wrap.

Chow,

Ben Settle

Not that it’s a huge deal anymore…

But I am no longer married these days.

Yes, the Nerd Girl and I parted ways 6 months ago.

(So no emoting or sympathy necessary, it’s old newz.)

And while everyone is doing 100% fine, there are also some extremely valuable lessons you can gleam from my experience that apply directly to business if you are looking for them.

In fact, that’s the “warm-up” lesson:

Always keeping your “antenna” up.

Every email marketer should do this.

And, in my case, I knew the minute it happened I’d end up writing about the experience eventually.

Anyway, enough warm up.

Here are a few lessons to think about:

Lesson #1: Negative experiences are profitable

I’m going to write about this later in more depth.

But for now:

Most people never take advantage of their negative energy — and instead use it to mope, overeat, and do other “self medicating” (i.e. self destructive) things to themselves.

Screw that.

Sac up and USE bad experiences to your advantage.

How?

Turn them into emails that make you more sales.

That way, even if something REALLY sucky happens then at least you’ll cry all the way to the bank.

I even taught this in this month’s “Email Players” issue.

If you want it, I kept a few extra issues in stock.

Subscribe today and I’ll send it to you:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Lesson #2: Get a REAL edu-ma-cation

Most people avoid challenges.

Avoid pain.

And avoid making tough decisions.

Thus, they avoid REAL education.

The kind you can’t find in a book or at a school or at a goo-roo seminar or whatever. It’s only when you make hard, unpopular (even impossible) decisions and push through the fear and anxiety when you REALLY get your learn on at the street level.

You can’t buy wisdom.

You can only earn it.

And it’s rarely an easy acquisition…

Lesson #3: Embrace the unknown

This is a strange (in a good way) time for me.

You see, when I was married, my entire life was basically mapped out. I had a good idea where I would be living and what I’d be doing and who I’d be doing it with.

Now?

Well, now my future is a big fat flashing neon “?”.

I have no clue where I want to settle down.

Where I belong.

Or, where I’ll end up.

I just recently moved, but I’m already plotting my next move. The beauty of owning a business online is it doesn’t really matter. As long as you have an Internet connection, you can do your thang anywhere you want.

Where will I go next?

I really have no idea.

But I must admit, it kinda EXCITES me, babycakes.

The unknown is fun once you embrace it.

And that, my friend, is the greatest lesson of all:

Seizing the unknown.

Not avoiding it, but clamping on to it.

In my case…

My recluse days are pretty much over.

My marketing posse and I are already plotting a small intensive training in Las Vegas this year (details forthcoming). I’ll be going places I used to have no desire to go to, probably dabbling in speaking and maybe even doing in-house email marketing training for entrepreneurs and companies who want it.

To paraphrase my boy Samuel Jackson in “Pulp Fiction”:

I’ll be like Caine in the TV show “Kung Fu”…

Wandering the earth.

Getting into adventures.

And helping people double sales with email along the way.

Anyway, so that’s that.

Those are a few lessons from my divorce.

Read ‘em.

Use ‘em.

And (most importantly) PROFIT from ‘em…

Ben Settle

P.S. And of course… if you’d like to join my inner sanctum of email marketing badasses… and “divorce” your bad self from all the wannabes out there (and there are many)… then check out the “Email Players” newsletter at:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Hey, this may sound kinda whackadoodle.

But one of the big reasons I write daily emails (and recommend everyone else does too) has absolutely nothing to do with increasing sales.

Nothing to do with making $$.

And nothing to do with business whatsoever.

I speaketh of the therapeutic benefits.

Writing can be VERY therapeutic.

You won’t read this in the big copywriting courses, but a lot of us copywriters have a “monster in the basement” we’re always getting rid of.

As my boy Stephen King says:

“It’s cheaper than a shrink”

And, IMH (but accurate) O FAR more effective.

This is especially true writing for self defense products.

You can get as nutzo as you want.

In fact, some people who have read my self defense sales letters have even asked, “uhm Ben, are you okay?”

What?

You mean because of copy like this:

“You can literally watch the breath hiss out of him like air from a punctured balloon.”

“his spine could very well shatter on impact.”

“crack open your attacker’s head on the asphalt like a coconut.”

“…so ruthless, there’s a good chance he’ll be pissing blood immediately afterwards.”

“rip his arm clean out of the socket.”

“popping his eyeball like a grape.”

Oh yeah, baby!

I just looooove writing about cracking eye orbits.

Snapping arms like pencils.

And applying wrist locks so painful he’ll feel like someone his sawing off his hand…

Can’t you just feeeeeel the lovin’?

(Of course you can…)

I may even write another ad this year for this client and I’m kinda looking forward to it. Frankly, he’s one of the ONLY clients I’d write for at this point, since he’s one of the few clients smart enough to trust the copywriter and RUN the ad as is (with zero changes or nitpicking) and he’s making a ton of sales as a result. Take note all ye micro-manager clients, you’re screwing yourselves being so anal retentive, and you’re also ensuring the best copywriters avoid you like the zombie apocalypse plague.

Speaking of zombies…

I’m toying with writing a novel this year.

A novel about…

Zombies!

(Hey, zombie stories are like 1990′s day time talk shows, everyone else has one, why not me?)

It’ll be brutal.

Ultra violent.

And, yes, therapeutic (it’ll be fun for the whole family!)

Anyway, that’s that.

Tomorrow?

More therapy…

Ben Settle

P.S. To learn my system for letting the monster out of the basement in your life to increase YOUR sales, grab your torch and pitchfork and head over to:

www.EmailPlayers.com

So I have a question to pose.

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago, I just moved (for literally the 20th time in my life). This time I moved back to the town on the Southern Oregon coast I USED to live in from 2007-2011 for reasons which I would rather not get into right now.

Anyway, here’s the problem:

There is zippo direct marketers around here.

And I mean none.

Not even a meetup group.

(Well, not one I’m interested in, at least…)

Yet, lately I’ve had this bug to get out amongst the business brethren and do some shoulder rubbing with other direct marketers. So I’ve been asking around and nobody in like a 150 mile radius knows of any. Even the esteemed Craig Simpson (probably the #1 direct mail specialist on Planet Earth, who lives just a couple hours from here…) said he didn’t know of any, and he has been looking, too.

Yeah, I COULD start my own.

I could try my hand at world peace, too.

But I have the organizational skillz of a gold fish.

And would rather find an established one.

So that’s my question:

Are you in the Southern Oregon area?

If so, any direct marketing groups around here?

’tis the million quarter question…

Ben Settle

“You’re going to have your critics. Screw ‘em”

-Mike Ditka

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…

A day without a scolding piece of crap-hot HATE mail is like a day without sunshine around here. If I don’t get at least one pointlessly negative mindless rant email about what an arrogant SOB I am or whatever, well, I get a bit disappointed.

And you know what?

There’s a reason for this.

A reason that’s also a lesson.

A lesson that’s also an opportunity for you, dear one.

You see, once upon a time, I remember hearing Rush Limbaugh talking about how at least HALF of his audience hates his guts.

No… not just disagree with him.

Not just dislike him.

And not just can’t stand him.

But HATE him.

Yes, them h8′ers sure do love to hate.

And the irony is, all that hate turns into love for elrushbo because that polarization serves to turn on his fan base, who then come to his defense by tuning in and then buying from the advertisers on his show.

It’s the exact same with email, amigo.

Email is just talk radio.

At least, if you do it the right way.

So don’t be afraid to rattle some cages.

Get people MAD.

And, yes, even have people hate you.

It’s good for the soul.

(And also, for your bank account.)

More at:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Remember last week’s print vs digital email?

About why I do a PRINT newsletter… and not a digital one?

A would-be subscriber doth protest:

With all dueth respect, I disagree.

OK, I’m probably a thin slice of your pie, but I’m willing to be there’s quite a few folks like me who don’t really get snail mail. I’m very mobile – live in 3 or 4 places throughout the year – and snail mail often misses me. For that matter, I don’t like snail mail.

I get your point about snail mail being a little dressier but if the info’s good, I don’t care if it’s bits or paper. Well, I do care. I prefer bits – in fact that’s all that works for me.

I’m one willing but unserved buyer.

He makes an interesting point.

But, IMH(but accurate)O, it’s just the opposite:

If you wanted it bad enough, you’d find a way to receive it (despite the inconvenience), and devour it probably 10x’s more intensely than everyone else, and profit from it 10x’s more abundantly than everyone else, precisely because it IS so inconvenient.

This analogy isn’t exactly the same, of course.

But, I’m the same way with some things:

I hate video, for example.

I prefer audio.

That way, I can listen/learn while walking on the beach.

(Yes, I have a very rough life…)

So I tediously take the time to rip the audio off of videos using an RCA cable and a voice recorder.

It’s a total pain in the gluteus assimus.

But guess what happens?

I use and benefit from it FAR more as a result. What I don’t do is ask the publisher to change their formatting just for my sake.

After all…

If the product’s good, they’re doing me a favor.

Not vice versa.

Anyway, that’s my take on it.

Besides, didn’t you get the memo?

I’m ALWAYS right…

Speaking of “Email Players”…

The May issue goes to the printer tomorrow.

It includes:

• A “cheat sheet” of my launch process (by popular demand)

• Why racist-obsessed movie geeks write the best email subject lines (and where to swipe their work free)

• How to sell your product without making a single claim

• How to use “vintage” ads to write super profitable emails

• How to use email to profit from a bad day

• And a ho’ bunch more…

Subscribe while there’s still time here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Your King,
Ben Settle

Gotta love them spelling nazis.

They’re so amusingly relentless and dogmatic in their zeal to ruthlessly eliminate ANY and EVERY misspelling… just because it exists.

Case in point:

A while back I wrote an email mocking spelling nazis.

And someone posted a link to an article proving me wrong.

The title was:

“Spelling mistakes
‘cost millions’
in lost online sales”

Wow!

Guess that’s an open-n-shut case, right?

Bzzt!

Not even close.

The article basically analyzed one website (that had a TON of problems) and cited a few ex-spurts and that was that.

A pathetically weak argument.

(To say the least.)

So here’s what I told him:

That link/study doesn’t confirm or prove anything.

Except, for course, the sales data for the 1 site they studied when they removed some typos (not even all of them, there must have been a lot). Plus, if you’ve seen their copy it’s lame, dry and boring. If it was written by real copywriters who know how to sell (and not just “writers” who don’t even know how to write very well) I doubt it’d matter nearly as much. Oh, and it still has some typos and problems (spacing, formatting, etc) even after “fixing” them. I can only imagine what it looked like before fixing it up when the study was done.

So that makes it kind of a straw man example.

(IMH – but always accurate – O).

In fact, here’s what’s on the first page as of today:

“This Seasons Hottest Trend”

Unless they do it differently across the pond, that should be “Season’s” not “Seasons”. So obviously, they have a lot of problems, and yeah, they need to clean up their act. That’s why my piece said it’d be stoopid to riddle your ads or emails with typos, but just don’t obsess over one or two that slip by the goalie. Because if you know how to write copy that sells, it won’t matter nearly as much as you think.

More:

How do you know a typo is “losing” you sales?

You don’t unless you split test it.

And few will bother doing that.

These things are often found out on complete accident.

For example:

Since writing that spelling nazis blog post at least 2 people have showed me examples how removing blatant “cringe worthy” typos (one which was in the headline!) hurt their response. So that’s further proof the study above is irrelevant to anyone else except the site being analyzed — which was a straw man example anyway, considering how many blatant problems there were with it.

Finally:

My post was about emails (mostly).

Not eCommerce catalog type sites.

It was about informal emails designed to sell.

If a business owner writes daily, personality-driven emails, customers will know, like and trust them and not think ‘oh scammer!’ because of a typo any more than they’d think their favorite radio talk show host is a scammer because he mispronounces a word. It’s only an issue to spelling nazis who either never buy or are complete pain-in-the-gluteus-assimus customers, anyway.

I’ve dealt with many of them over the years.

(Due to so many writers buying my products).

And you know what?

In my experience, they’re too busy looking for that one typo on page 346 than applying the info inside to fix whatever problem they bought the product to solve in the first place.

Kind of pathetic.

And, kind of of a shame, too.

After all… most of the truly great writers, editors and, yes, proof readers earn peanuts compared to even above-average salesmen and marketers who can’t spell to save their lives.

There’s a reason for that…

Anyway, never a dull moment, eh?

And here’s the good news:

If you happen to be a spelling nazi reading this… please don’t worry your anal retentive little head off.

It’s NOT too late to change your wicked ways.

Spelling nazism IS a curable disease.

And your lord and master Ben Settle is more than happy to roto-rooter out all those dumb ideas from your head and get you on the right track to email prosperity — where you make more of the green stuff writing out an imperfect email in 10 minutes than you are writing typo and grammar error-free emails in 10 hours now.

Don’t be afraid.

I promise it’ll only hurt a little.

And then after that…

You’ll wonder why you wasted so many years of your life obsessing over a little typo or two, and slap yourself silly for all the money you’ve been missing out on.

For immediate help, go to my hotline at:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Lately, I’ve been getting this question a lot:

“Ben, what kind of conversion rates do you get?”

I get why people ask this.

Especially newer people.

But really, it’s the wrong question to ask.

Truth is, my answers to this question are 1000% irrelevant to anyone else but me, just as someone else’s answers to this question are 1000% irrelevant to anyone else but them.

Why?

Think about it this way.

Imagine two businesses tracking conversions.

Let’s assume all sales are 100% profit, and business A sells a $19 product to a list of 1000 people, and gets 100 sales — that’s a whopping 10% conversion rate and $1,900 in profit.

Not too shabby is it?

Let’s face it… that’s a HUGE conversion rate!

Business B, on the other hand, sells a $1,900 product to a list of 1000 people and gets just 3 sales (a nearly non-existent “conversion rate”) — but banks $5,700 profit.

Which would you rather be?

Which makes the most money?

This is why the ONLY person your conversions mean anything to is you. Especially since, for example, raising your price might result in less conversions but MORE profit.

Even looking for a “benchmark” conversion is pointless.

There is none.

The only conversions that matter are yours.

Not mine.

Not some goo-roo’s.

And not anyone else’s for that matter.

More:

I’m also convinced that almost everyone who does reveal their conversion rates (I never trust anyone who does — unless they have a legitimate reason to) is flat out lying or, at the very least, being intellectually dishonest. (i.e. they claim huge conversion rates, but fail to mention how it was to a list of 100 people or something statistically irrelevant).

Bottom line?

Focus on your sales and ROI.

Not necessarily your conversion rates.

Everything else will take care of itself.

And yes…

I believe the fastest and most reliable way (in my opinion) to increase your sales and ROI online is with the lowly email.

It’s fast.

It’s cheap.

And, once you get the hang of it, easy.

You can learn my system at:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Hey, let’s not nancy around here.

No self respecting “Breaking Bad” fan can read this subject line and not immediately think of Walter White staring down a couple meth dealers (one of which outweighed Walt by a good 50 lbs) in a parking lot.

One of the best scenes in TV history.

And, also one of the best MARKETING lessons in history.

Allow me to ‘splaineth:

Reputation is everything.

It can solve a LOT of problems.

And, give you many advantages denied others.

For Walter White (who is not a physically imposing guy), he had just had a situation arise where the entire meth dealing & using underworld thought his partner had brutally dropped an ATM machine on an addict’s head.

And all that FEAR rubbed off on Walter.

It gave his stare down mucho POWER.

His words more WEIGHT.

And his command strict OBEDIENCE as the big guy drove off, tail between his legs.

And guess what?

You can use this in business, too.

Create the right reputation and you’re in like flynn.

Competitors will shy away.

(i.e. stay out of YOUR territory…)

Customers will automatically gravitate to you.

And colleagues will happily do business with you.

What?

You want to know HOW to get that reputation?

Well, I suggest using email, babycakes.

(Didn’t see that one coming, did you?)

By mailing daily (and in the right way), you instantly stick out like a fart in study all from your lazy and/or timid competitors.

Sales roll in with less effort.

And reputations grow — fast.

Happens all the time.

And if you’re a service provider, this makes selling your services as easy as falling off a log.

So many benefits.

Zero drawbacks.

To build your email skillz (and rep) fast, go to:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Curious and curious…

Since launching my print “Email Players” newsletter — www.EmailPlayers.com — last year, several people have suggested (or asked about) it should be delivered via email (instead of hard copy) since it’s about… email.

Could they be right?

Is there a disconnect?

Is it smart sending an email newsletter via snail mail, not email?

I kinda see why one might wonder this.

And so it deserves an answer.

But worry ye not.

Methinks this’ll be educational no matter what you sell:

1. Do what works

Saying I should deliver paid content about email via email instead of snail mail is like telling someone they should only use sales letters to get clients for writing sales letters.

Mayhaps that makes sense on the surface.

But, not when you look deeper.

For example:

During the 8-9 years when I did client work, I don’t think I’d ever gotten a client by sending them a sales letter. Instead, they were almost ALL gotten via the phone (especially my top 3 paying clients).

Yes, I could have used sales letters.

Not saying they don’t work.

But the phone always got better results.

In fact, one of my friends built his entire copywriting business attending seminars (not sending anyone a sales letter). And the fact is, a lot of top sales letter writers get their best clients with the phone… not their keyboard.

So you do what works.

And the print format has been extremely successful so far.

Yes, even teaching about the Internet.

And speaking of format…

2. Format

Some say format doesn’t matter.

After all, if the info is good, who cares about format?

One guy used the analogy “if a hot super model gave you her telephone number written in crayon on a wet used napkin, would it matter???”

I dunno, Spanky.

Did she SELL it to you for $100 bones per month?

If not, it’s comparing apples to oranges.

I’m sure you’ll agree, if you want to sell a $50 steak dinner, you probably would not put it on a dirty garbage can lid or cheap paper plate, and say, “yeah, but it tastes good!”

The point?

Email is not a high quality format to deliver premium priced info.

If you want to convey quality, “dress” accordingly.

This goes whether dressing your body for appearance or dressing your product for purchase.

Which brings us to the next reason…

3. Impact

Hey, I loveth email.

And I have profited from it tremendously.

But for having impact, it’s not even in direct mail’s league (it ain’t even in the same sport). It’s almost like Christmas when a piece of valuable snail mail arrives. It generates good feelings in people about you and your business. But most people don’t exactly drool over downloading “air.”

More:

There’s a neurological reason for this.

It’s now a documented fact your body dumps a “pleasure chemical” in your brain every time you get an email (this is why people check their emails compulsively, and why it’s such a great medium to sell with). But what most web marketers don’t realize is that, with direct mail (like a print newsletter…) that “pleasure effect” is amplified 100 fold!

After all, there’s a physical presence.

You’ve entered their home.

You’re now sitting with them in their most secure and intimate environment — and they’ve actually paid you to be there.

It’s not quite the same with email, is it?

No sir, it ain’t…

4. The pain-in-the-ass factor

The first person (a good friend) who suggested I should deliver Email Players by email (instead of direct mail) said there might be a disconnect.

And, maybe he’s right.

For some there could be a disconnect.

But you know what?

Anyone wound up so tightly they wouldn’t subscribe because it’s in paper & ink format instead of digital “bytes” in an email would be such a pain in the ass customer I wouldn’t want them anyway.

I hope it DOES turn them off.

Those types suck the life right out of you.

Anyway, that’s it for now.

Those are four reasons why I’m right and the people who think I should email the content are simply…

Wrong.

The next “Email Players” issue mails soon.

It covers all kinds of info, too.

Including:

• A secret subject line “swipe file”

• How to sell without citing benefits

• How to convert vintage ads into hot selling emails

• Bill Clinton’s email secret that got him elected

• And a ho’ bunch more…

Subscribe while you can, here:

Ben Settle