“Personally, I liked working for the university! They gave us money and facilities. We didn’t have to produce anything. You’ve never been out of college. You don’t know what it’s like out there! I’ve worked in the private sector… they expect results!”
-Dr Ray Stantz
“Ghostbusters”
Dear Spelling Nazis,
You suck.
Nobody likes you.
And, in fact, I doubt you even like yourselves.
How could you?
Especially when your only bragging right is a worthless college degree in literature and the ability to read an email and point out every misplaced jot and tittle… yet can’t write anything that makes money to save your own life?
It’s actually kinda sad.
I SHOULD feel sorry for you.
But I don’t.
In fact, I take great pleasure in mocking you.
Frankly, I sometimes think it MUST be an act.
It’s like these Hollywood actors who spout off inane political nonsense — they can’t possibly be THAT stoopid, so maybe they’re just trying to impress their peers to get another acting gig.
But who are you trying to impress, spelling Nazi?
You’re certainly not impressing customers.
They couldn’t care less about a misspelling or botched attempt at grammar.
Most of the time, they don’t notice it.
(Unless they’re a pathetic spelling Nazi, too.)
If the ad/email is written the right way (i.e. by someone who knows how to SELL and not just SPELL) the customer is too caught up in the adventure to care.
It’s no different than high grossing movies.
Take “The Avengers”, for example.
Easily the highest grossing movie of 2012.
And, in fact, one of the highest grossing flicks of all time.
But guess what, spelling Nazi?
It has more MISTAKES than any other movie this year.
Some anal retentive fanboys (the comic book movie equivalent of you spelling Nazis) actually wasted time putting a long list together of all its continuity mistakes, flaws and problems. Yet, despite them all… Avengers has made more money than these critics, their friends and all their ancestors to the 10th generation have earned combined.
I think I get it, though.
Why you’re such spiteful pathetic little trolls.
You simply hate selling.
You hate “pitching.”
And, when you see people making money with (GASP!) crappy grammar and language-butchering words… it knocks you off your safe, ivory-tower pedestal where you don’t actually have to produce anything in order to get golf claps from your peers.
You can’t be a spectator and a player.
It’s one or the other.
A player… plays.
And, ultimately WINS.
A spectator watches.
And, ultimately complains.
In many ways, spelling Nazi, you’re like the stinky slob in the stands dribbling hotdog mustard on his shirt while yelling at the all-star shortstop with the .300 batting average about how he needs to keep his head up when swinging the bat (even though the slob spectator couldn’t get a single base hit as a kid in little league).
That’s a spelling Nazi.
Annoying.
Obnoxious.
And, yes, pathetic.
Anyway, that’s the bad newz.
The good newz is it’s not too late for you to change your wicked ways.
To get your head out of your butt.
And, to actually make some salez.
Here’s how:
1. Join “Email Players” today:
The first thing you’ll get when you subscribe is a book with my email methodology “spelled” out (holy shnikes I’m witty!) for you.
2. Follow my system
3. Start making $$ from writing you consider “bad”
It’s easier than you think.
And, who knows?
You may even thaw out and have some fun…
Ben Settle
