Let me tell you a story.
A few months ago, my ex-copywriting apprentice (why do I like using that term so much? heh), accused me of being manipulative. Not maliciously manipulative, though. More like selfishly manipulative.
And, when she said why she thought that, I had to agree.
For example:
We were hanging out with some friends (a married couple) and they said they had to get going early. Now, I’m not Mr. Social by any means. But, I do like to venture forth from the elBenbo Lair once per week for a little… social interaction.
And, when I do, I expect everyone else to follow suit.
(It’s just how I be.)
Thus, I decided I wasn’t going to let them go home.
So I simply asked:
“Why do you have to go? It’s only 5:00.”
“We told our son we’d be home by 6.”
Now, their son is 25 but autistic, so you can’t necessarily blame them for wanting to go home. But, being the selfish little bastard I am, I pressed on…
“What happens if you don’t go home?”
“…”
There really was no answer.
Fact is, their son would be fine.
And they knew it.
I simply used a question to give them a vision of what would happen (i.e. nothing, he’d probably be watching TV). And thus, I gave them another option for the evening, which they were free to accept or reject of their own free will.
All with one question.
A question, apparently, I use a lot.
(Without realizing I’m doing this.)
In fact, my ex-copywriting apprentice says I do the same thing to her and everyone else when I want to hang out with people — despite them having more (so-called) important things to do. I say something like, “What happens if you don’t go now?” or “What happens if you reschedule your appointment for tomorrow instead, and we go wine tasting today?” or “What happens if you go with me to get some tasty buffalo wings instead of working on that job right now?”
And so on, and so forth.
The answer is always the same:
Nothing.
Life will go on.
I simply show them another option. (An option they prefer to the alternative, which my question gives them an excuse to do.)
The point?
I don’t know what the point is.
Except, when you want to manipu– er, I mean persuade someone to do something, take a page out of the world’s most feared negotiator’s (Jim Camp) book and ask questions that show them another option.
Don’t beg.
Or con.
Or lecture.
Or plead.
Ask.
Speaking of which…
The February “Email Players” issue is full of tips and advice for being more persuasive (not just in emails, but in your personal life) that are just as effective and, I suppose, unconventional as the tip above.
Where do you subscribe?
I’m glad you asked.
Go here:
Ben Settle
