Ben Settle

Okay, I admit it:

One of my favorite “guilty pleasure” movies is called “Blue Velvet” by a director named David Lynch. It basically is about a guy who comes home from college to care for his dad who just had a heart attack. While walking in a field he finds a severed ear. And, from there, he gets sucked into a bizarre local thug’s world and, well, I won’t spoil it for you.

Besides, the plot isn’t what’s important.

It’s the randomly finding an ear.

Or the bad guy (brilliantly played by the late Dennis Hopper) as he puts a mask on and breathes like a psycho while he torments a woman whose son he has kidnapped.

Or the bizarre music scenes.

And the list goes on.

There is something that director/writer does better than anyone else I’ve ever seen in his movies that I have used to make lots and lots of sales not just in emails — but in my sales letters, podcasts, articles, and other marketing endeavors.

Something I rarely (if ever) see anyone else talk about.

And guess what?

The September “Email Players” issue (which goes to the printer tomorrow, my little fledgling) goes into detail about this, and how you can start using the same “trick” (it’s not really a trick, but people seem to love tricks, so there you go…) in your emails and marketing.

But the hour grows late on this.

I’m sending it to the printer tomorrow and that’s the deadline to get it.

Subscribe here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Recently, this girl I’ve gone on a few dates with (who is a writer) and I started rapping about writing, the craft of writing, tricks for getting lots of writing done fast, yada, yada yada.

Eventually the topic of my *chaotic* way of writing came up.

By that I mean, I think too fast to write slow or talk slow. (When talking, sometimes I talk until ALL the air has expelled from my lungs to keep up with all ideas spewing out.) And, many times the ideas come out so fast my fingers are typing what looks like gibberish (my own form of short hand, of sorts) and my goal is to get as many ideas down as I can in spurts so I don’t lose any.

(Or very many — a few slip by the goalie every now and then).

Anyway, her response?

She said Yours Unruly’s wicked ways were like “anti-meditation.”

I don’t know much about meditation.

But, I can only assume she meant instead of letting my mind calm, and let the thoughts flow… I forcefully spew the ideas out all over the page, in whatever order they arrive, without rhyme, reason, or structure.

Contrast that to the great writers of old like C.S. Lewis.

I read about how his process of writing was to use one of those old school pens where you have to dip it in ink every several words. He would write a sentence, then stop, dip it in some ink, write another sentence — letting his calm subconscious mind slip him ideas ala the way Gene Schwartz talked about in his famous speeches for how Mozart got ideas for his scores which he never had to edit because they always came out perfect. My way, on the other foot, is more like making a movie — shoot lots of scenes, then put them together in the editing room later.

Anyway, I have no idea if this email adds to your life.

But, it seemed worth mentioning.

Especially for people who find the *process* of writing fascinating.

And, who want to know how others approach it.

All right, enough of this, on to business:

The September “Email Players” issue goes to the printer Monday.

One of the (many) things it teaches is a secret way of using holidays and history books to write emails that:

1. Are extremely fun for your list to read
2. Potentially extremely profitable
3. Don’t smack of hype or even sales pitch at all

I saw a marketer I respect tremendously do this in May.

And, I spent a lot of time analyzing what he did.

(And am passing my intel about it to subscribers.)

The Monday deadline looms.

Get your lovin’ here while you can:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Cardinal “Email Players” rule:

Never, ever kiss a snowflake’s bootay or even allow them to stay on your list. Let them haunt the needy marketers who will tolerate it. Especially if they take the attitude where they think they are special just because they opted in as if they did you a favor.

(They haven’t).

Lemme see if I can’t entertain you a bit with an example.

Below’s an exchange with a snowflake from an email from last week.

I was trying to draw the evil out of her for email fodder.

(Tried egging her on more hoping for more of a reaction because, yes, I’m evil like that, daddy likes his fodder…)

SUBSCRIBER: I am sorry but I miss the point of this email- is there one? If there is not point I will unsubscribe. So until I hear back with some feasible explanation- your hanging in a delicate balance

elBENBO: already opted you out, you’re dismissed.

SUBSCRIBER: Wow. I really missed something. I am a new follower and you came highly recommended… Lol well I guess you go against tradition and everything taught by others. Okay have a great night. Ps no one Fucking dismisses me. Wow

elBENBO: First time for everything, Pumpkin. Good luck.

Do people over 13 years old still end online rants with “wow?”

In any case:

It’s almost more fun melting snowflakes like this than it is making sales…

To answer her question:

Yes, my ways go against tradition — especially the “customer is always right” shtick. I don’t believe in it at all. It’s the essence of my wicked ways. And, it works. (Yes, even in *your* market — not putting up with someone’s bullshyt works universally.)

The September issue goes to print in a few days.

To get it in time, hop, skip, and leap over here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Back in the late 90’s when I graduated college I immediately joined an mlm via a Kevin Trudeau (the guy in prison) infomercial. And, since I was in his downline I regularly got tapes each month of his motivational talks.

Most were actually pretty good.

He was a natural at that.

(And should have stuck with it.)

Anyway, one of the tapes I remember most was titled “Don’t Let Anyone Steal Your Dreams.” It was all about the so-called “dream stealers” out there — family, friends, co-workers, your big mouthed brother in law, bosses, and the list goes on.

People always trying to get you to give up and be miserable like them.

I could relate.

Had quite a few of ‘em in my life, too, laughing at my ambitions.

(Who’s laughing now, jackasses?)

It was a good tape for those long profit-less nights.

All of which got me to thinking recently.

You have a lot of “stealers” out there online, too. Including dream stealers (like the ones above), motivation stealers (like a comfortable job that pays just enough to keep you fat and happy), ambition stealers (like significant others who try to hoard all your time while you’re pursuing your goals), hard work stealers (like pretty much anyone hawking make muney on line by being lazy and without work products), common sense stealers (like IM gurus pushing complicated or backasswards theories like good will emails, etc).

All of these stealers be bad.

But, there is one GOOD kind of stealer out there.

And, I profess to be one:

“The excuse stealer”

Someone was telling me recently the reason I get a lot of people, uhm, displeased with me… is because I call them out on their bullshyt excuses. Take yesterday’s email about price never being the reason not to buy. People who carry the price excuse around like a child carries a safety banky around get very cranky when they hear that.

Same with any other excuses I see.

I call ‘em out.

I take an almost sadistic glee in doing so, too.

And you know what?

It ain’t gonna stop any time soon.

Anyway, hopefully you saw the big lesson here.

I’m not going to spell it out for you. In fact, I am hoping some loser who clings to their excuses complains that I didn’t give any “value” in this. Will make great fodder…

Onward to business:

The September “Email Players” issue deadline looms.

One of the tips inside is what I call the “severed-ear-in-the-forest” secret for making it near impossible for people to ignore your emails — yes, even if they hate your guts for stealing their excuses every day.

To get this issue in time go here today:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

I got inspired to watch one of my favorite movies again recently:

(yes I wrote about this not too long ago)

“The Wolf Of Wall Street”

And, while watching the scene where Jordan Belfort is training his rag-tag team of new salesmen there was something he said that can put a lot more sales (ethically, not the way he did it) in your hot, sticky little piggy bank using email. He was talking about objections people would have to buying their shady stocks.

His answer:

“The only real objection they have is they don’t trust you guys. And why should they trust you? I mean look at you, you’re a bunch of sleazy salesman right?!  So what do you say?”

Ah yes, the big question.

How do you get people to trust your righteous self?

Well, I have long believed that in emails, you shouldn’t have any objections or trust issues because you should be wise enough not to create them in the first place like most people do. What I mean by that is, coming out swinging pitching with benefits, claims, promises, etc.

All that does is create objections that you have to deal with.

What’s better?

Creating a rock-solid personal brand people either love or hate *before* they see anything to buy from you.

Meaning, if you have an offer someone wants, they already trust you.

You don’t have to goose around with manipulation tactics.

If you want to learn how to build a personal brand that is so strong people buy from you sight unseen, because they feel they truly know you (and in a way, they do, even if you’ve never met), and are 100% secure buying from you, even if you make claims that are hard to believe… then the best personal branders to study are NOT people on social media.

They’re good for a few laughs, maybe.

But, that’s about all.

No, study people who have world famous personal brands:

• Walt Disney

• Oprah Winfrey

• Dr. Atkins

• Stephen King

• Thomas Kincaid (the painter)

• Dennis Rodman

• Hillary (and Bill) Clinton

• Donald Trump

• And, yes, my pal Jesus Christ.

You don’t have to *like* any of them.

You might even be given to hating some of them.

(I think a few of the above are giant turds, personally.)

But, chances are, hearing their names triggers an instant “ooh yeah!” or a “ugh, I can’t stand that person!” which is exactly how you know you have a strong personal brand. A brand you can get very quickly by, you guessed it, using email marketing.

Specifically, the way I teach in the September “Email Players” issue.

I show you how to use the above peoples’ branding principles in email.

It’s mucho powerful information.

But, there’s nothing fancy about it.

Nothing sexy, either.

It’s simply based on sound principled thought and the laws of human behavior.

Something lacking big time in the Internet marketing world.

Anyway, she goes to the printer soon.

Hop on the train her to get it in time:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Something must have been in the water last week.

Multiple people wrote me telling me how much they wish they could join “Email Players” and learn how to write emails people look forward to reading and buying from but, you know, they couldn’t afford it.

Sigh.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again:

It’s never the money.

Ever.

It’s about priorities.

It’s $3.23 per day.

People piss that out in Star-shmucks coffee each day.

And if you *really* think you can’t afford it, but insist you *really* want it, then here is all you do:

1. Cancel your cable/satellite TV

2. Stop eating out

Yes, it really is that simple.

For 99% of Americans at least, that would do the trick. And if the above still wouldn’t work for you… if you are so broke you’re living in a box on the street somewhere… then starting a biz’nid should be the last thing on your mind.

Get a job, Hoss, get your house in order.

Otherwise, don’t expect me to believe the “I can’t afford it” shtick.

You can, you just won’t.

And, realize the first step towards success is to stop lying to yourself.

All right.

Enough of this clacking.

If you’re ready to reach deep into your pockets to invest a whopping $3.23 per day, if you’re ready to ditch the excuses, and, even most importantly, if you’re ready to work (and if you’re not, please, don’t waste your money or time, only losers think they can get anything done without putting in the work — and we don’t cotton to losers ‘round here in elBenbo’s Lair), then here’s where to subscribe:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Next issue goes out in about a week.

Hurry if you want it in time…

Ben Settle

An ex-spurt on social media (where else?) says about email frequency:

“No more than 2 (maybe 3) a week or I’ll unsubscribe fast. It comes across as desperate and too in-your-face in my opinion. #EmailChat”

Sigh.

Do people actually still believe this nonsense?

Once again, elBenbo has to get off his lazy bootay, get his lumberjack outfit on, and start chopping away all this misinformation using his righteous battle axe.

Actually, forget about that for a second.

I’m going to remain silent on this.

Instead, I’ll let one of the greatest ad men who ever lived Mr. Bruce Barton get this. Once upon a time, back when ol’ BB (who is the second “B” in the great BBDO ad agency, not exactly a social media queen, but still, he was pretty smart…) was doing radio addresses he told the story about Joseph and when he was second in command (only to Pharaoh himself) in Egypt.

What happened was this:

Joseph was “it.”

The head guy in charge.

Only the king was above him.

And, everyone knew who he was, submitted to him, and basically treated him like royalty — known about far and wide. A true “rock star” (using today’s goo-roo fanboy vernacular) through and through.

Nobody dared cross him.

Every single citizen knew who he was and loved him.

And, there was peace…

Then, Joseph croaked and joined the choir invisible. And, according to the great book of Exodus, it wasn’t all that long after that when a new king arose in Egypt “who knew Joseph not”, and all that prestige, respect, and world class branding vanished like a fart in the wind.

Bam!

And, not long after that, Joseph’s entire family was enslaved!

That’s how fleeting a brand can be eliminated.

Anyway, Barton’s point?

Every day in the marketplace, new kings are arising, and unless you let them know how you da man day in, and day out, it won’t be long before they know you not, either, my little droogie.

So there you go.

Don’t let the new kings forget you.

Email every day.

Send them something they want to read and buy from.

And then, like during Joseph’s reign… there will be peace.

(For you and your happy customers.)

To learn my arcane email methods, so you can stay in front of your list day in an day out… without excuse, apology, or sounding like some kind of needy newbie who just got started in the make muney online niche (even though they haven’t made any muney online themselves), check out my “Email Players” newsletter.

It’ll set you straight.

And, you’ll wonder how you ever did biz’nid any other way.

The September issue goes to the printer soon.

Subscribeth ye here to getteth in time:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

Re: Last Sunday’s email

(Subject line was “ol’ blue balls elBenbo”)

Reader Irfan Merchant replies with:

Google is reporting a huge surge in search for the keyword “blue balls”.

Feeling happy for all the GFs who will read, say awwww and then proceed to make guys happy, at last.
Turns out, you are solving complex relationship issues with a marketing email.

Genius !

Email Marketing just works….

That’s what Yours Unruly does ’round here:

Saves the world (financial, business, and, yes, relationships) one email at a time.

It’s a (mostly) thankless job.

But, someone’s gotta do it…

Speaking of jobs:

The next “Email Players” issue has a bonus lesson featuring an extremely powerful email teaching from the great and esteemed Tellman Knudson — who I have been a fan of lo’ these many years, and had a chance to rap with him at a seminar back in April. He has figured out a way to do something the giant ad agency Leo Burnett has been doing for decades to create some of the most well-recognized brands in history and drive sales up through the roof for products that would be considered “commodities” and flat out boring.
Just imagine doing it with your righteous product…

Anyway, she’s going to the printer soon.

If you want in before it does, hop your bad self over here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

One of my favorite novels is Charles Bukowski’s:

“Women”

I’ve written about this book before — about a butt-ugly, alcoholic poet and writer in his 50’s and his adventures with a string of women who suddenly start floating into his life.

Really, it has no plot.

It’s just one adventure with a different woman after another.

But, there are certain characteristics (his desire to be left alone, introverted, enjoys his own company or hanging with just one person over the company of a bunch of people, etc) I share with the character Henry Chinaski (which is really just Charles Bukowski — it’s autobiographical) that make it so entertaining for me I’m on my 3rd read of it now and enjoying it even more than the first two times.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“The worst thing for a writer is to know another writer, and worse than that, to know a number of other writers. Like flies on the same turd.”

(I have found this particularly true amongst copywriters at times.)

And, another, that I just picked up on yesterday while reading it is:

“There’s no way I can stop writing, it’s a form of insanity.

The more I write, the more I realize how true that is.

No sane person thinks the way those of us who write every. single. day. do. The best writers (whether copywriters, email writers, bloggers, novelists, etc) all seem to have traits that make regular civilians (i.e. non writers) think we are a tad insane.

And you know what?

If someone casts elBenbo as an insane villain, then I’m gonna play the part well.

And, I do it by writing more.

More emails.

More copy.

More fiction.

More posts in my private Facebook group.

And the list goes on.

I’d rather be insane than boring and non-productive, just sitting around all day watching the telly, obsessed with the latest riots or race baiting on the shnooze, or, even worse, floating around with no mission or agenda in life, just existing (as the late Earl Nightingale said), like a starfish or amoeba.

Screw that sideways.

Writing THIS email has been immensely fun for me.

I had to write it.

That’s how my email methodology works.

I don’t teach hard writing.

I teach fun writing.

And, also, profitable writing.

If you want to tap into your inner insanity, you can join me and my fellow insane Email Players droogies here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle