Ben Settle

Here’s a funny little story:

Recently someone asked me about what specific “real” companies I’ve worked for that I’ve helped in email marketing and how they benefited. He also wanted to see some examples of my work, saying if he wanted to hire me, how would he know I had any successes at all… and so on, and so forth.

My answer?

If I did client work, I’d go through the trouble.

But, I don’t do client work.

So, why would I bother?

Pretty simple, yeah?

Well, not for this dude.

He replies with:

I think you’re a snake oil salesman. All of your “mysterious” tips and “secret” ways to make money. Did my homework on you. Not impressed at all with your writing skills either. Good day to you. I’m sure I’ll be “blackballed” or parodied in your email newsletter.

Heh.

Amusing stuff.

Let’s see…

1. He sounds kinda butt hurt about this.

2. If he’d really done his “homework” a simple Google search would lead him down a rabbit hole mentioning various clients, testimonials, experiences, etc. (HINT: When someone said they researched you, and gives no examples of what their “research” uncovered — it means they have no real argument or point.)

3. My site says I don’t do client work (thought he did his homework?)

4. He said my writing didn’t impress him, yet he’s butt hurt over the fact I won’t spend time digging up links, etc to show him. (If my writing sucks, why waste time seeing more of it?)

5. He anticipates being “blackballed” and parodied.

Well, yes, to the parody.

When someone sends you hate mail, butt hurt mail, or is being a troll… you should mock it.

It’s good for the soul.

And, can make you sales.

But, no to the blackball thing.

I’ve used the term in two emails in the last 30 days.

Both times referred to opportunity-minded customers — and nothing to do with hate mail, troll mail or just good, old fashioned butt hurt mail like his.

Sheesh.

So much for doing his homework.

Anyway, fun times…

And guess what?

The fun continues tomorrow on “The Ben Settle Show” where I reveal a cool way to structure your sales funnels that requires no analytics or complicated tests, makes it so people LIKE buying from you (because it makes it so easy on them)… creates lifetime customers… and is used by everyone from Amazon and Apple, to Hollywood movie studios and the Catholic Church… to airports, martial arts schools and even restaurants.

I learned it from the Internet’s most underrated marketing mind.

And, it’s been working like gangbusters for me.

Maybe, just maybe, it’ll work for you, too.

Details on tomorrow’s show.

In the meantime:

Check out past episodes here…

www.BenSettleShow.com/itunes

Ben Settle

Let’s yap about goo-roo fanboys.

They’re people who latch onto a goo-roo and ape everything that goo-roo does. They use the goo-roo’s emails verbatim. Never do anything outside accepted goo-roo orthodoxy. And, even worse, start selling info products based on what little they know (which is often skewed or outdated info) to OTHER hapless newbies who then follow suit — at which point they grant themselves goo-roo status.

Frankly, I wouldn’t be shocked if they had their own “creed.”

Even their own “commandments.”

Something like…

I  Thou shalt tell people to test but never test anything thyself

II Thou shalt spend thy time in marketing forums and avoid real work as much as humanly possible

III Thou shalt mindlessly quote thy favorite goo-roo whenever thou art asked a question

IV Thou shalt shamelessly swipeth ALL thy ad copy

V Thou shalt never run an ad selling a money-making product without at least one phony photoshopped bank statement as “proof”

VI Thou shalt NOT blaspheme goo-roos by refusing to participate in their every product launch

VII Thou shalt only join lists that give away free info and rebuke all those who dare sell thee anything (unless ’tis a goo-roo list, of course)

VIII Thou shalt inflate and exaggerate ALL claims

IX Thou shalt use the same form email all thy competition uses when promoting products to thy list

X Thou shalt honor the 50+ word headline and keep it holy

Hey, don’t scoff.

If you’ve met a goo-roo fanboy you KNOW I speakth the truth here.

Again, I’m not saying goo-roo fanboys are evil.

Amusing?

Yep.

Bad people?

Not usually

(Just misguided).

But I wouldn’t recommend listening to them.

Go here next:

www.BenSettle.com/kindle

Ben Settle

So here’s the thing…

Sometimes a person will contact me by email and tell me about how they’ve been reading my website and listening to my media & podcast interviews for weeks, months or, in some cases, even *years*… and are getting irritable.

They can’t explain why.

But they claim they have unexplainable symptoms.

Like hot flashes.

Night sweats.

Envy.

Jealously.

Anger.

Weird aches & pains.

And, the list goes on…

One particular girl asked:

“Why, Ben, am I feeling this way from reading all the pages on your website, listening to all your interviews and gobbling up your daily emails like they’re chips & salsa? Why, Ben? WHY damn you!!!???”

To which I reply:

“The answer is simple… you are experiencing Benopause.”

“What the hell is that??”

“Well, baby, it’s what happens when someone has been reading and listening to all my free content for months or years… know they should be implementing and taking action… but don’t. They’d rather bitch & moan about how their business is making goose eggs instead of doing something — anything — each day to achieve their goals. The results are all the symptoms you’re whining about.”

“Oh. I will change my wicked ways then.”

“Good girl.”

“Any advice on where to begin?”

“Yes, school time is over. Time to buy something. It doesn’t have to be “Email Players”. It can even be one of my Kindle books — all of which are so cheap even a Benopausal freebie seeking moocher like you can afford them.”

“Where can I find them at?”

“Not the sharpest tool in the shed are ya?”

“…”

“That’s okay, I will save you. Simply skip on over to www.BenSettle.com/kindle and you’re good to go. I have kindle books on just about every topic: email marketing, copywriting, creating JV’s, affiliate marketing, Christian business secrets, how to write & launch newsletters and even a brand spanking new novel about zombies. If you want to control those benopausal symptoms… check ’em out. If you want to keep being a frustrated do-nothing who dreams of being a successful bid’niss owner and just download free stuff, well, let me know how that goes for ya…”

Anyway, she got the picture.

What about you?

Got Benopausal symptoms?

Then don’t waste another second making people around you miserable.

Check out the books at:

www.BenSettle.com/kindle

Ben Settle

Since I’m a tad behind, I’m pushing the April “Email Players” issue deadline to tonight.

(Instead of last night).

Here’s what’s inside:

• How to “jimmie” your emails to make even your most outrageous claims believable

• A secret kind of email I do all that time that nobody has ever been able to “reverse engineer” (only me and one other person I am aware of does this regularly, and it has made me tons of sales in all kinds of markets selling all kinds of different products)

• Email secrets of an obese, “misogynist” comedian who women loved, adored and lusted after

• How to “arrange it” so your woman never even thinks to leave your relationship (applies to keeping clients, too)

• How a “celebrity” copywriter writes subject lines almost guaranteed to get opened (if I HAD to get an email opened or I’d be beheaded, I’d do this fo’ sho’)

• What clients (for any service) REALLY want (and no, it ain’t doing a “good job” on their project — knowing this can help even a noob get ahead in the freelance game faster)

• An email “template” that lets you outsell your competitors with better marketing and name recognition than you (use this “template” and watch what happens!)

• How to write emails that ooooooze credibility

• How to write blatant sales pitch emails people love reading and buying from (doing this gets you instantly past the “gate keeper” in even the most hardcore skeptic’s brain)

• How to turn ordinary surveys into an endless stream of profitable emails (when I did client work, I used this trick to bang out dozens of profitable emails doing hardly any “writing” at all)

• And lots mo’

Alright my droogie, this is it.

I’m sending the list in tonight, get your lovin’ here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

The magic #10th “Ben Settle Show” episode is aaawwn.

Here’s what’s inside:

• Why my deranged “Zombie Cop” novel will sell more copies of my “Christian Business Secrets” book

• A writing trick I use to boost my creativity, have more physical energy, be in better shape and write for longer periods of time without fatigue

• How to “root out” all the weird stuff in your subconscious (which often translates to making more sales from your emails and ads)

• A reliable “acid test” that tells you whether you should cut something out when editing any kind of writing you do

• The Dean Koontz secret to fast pressure-free writing

• The most important part of your novel for making the maximum amount of sales

• How to pre-launch fiction (using a secret the world’s greatest living copywriter discovered when he was young, about to lose his job, and HAD to write an ad that worked or he’d be canned. And, yes, this works for non-fiction, too…)

• A secret “power editing” secret for having the tightest, easiest-to-read writing (works with fiction and non-fiction)

• The one time entertaining emails won’t work

• A small tweak that can turn even boring “plain vanilla” emails into fascinating and persuasive emails that nab lots of sales

• And, finally…

How to write a 1-star review.

Yes, my little droogie, I am going to show you how to write a 1-star review (for amazon, itunes, etc) — whether it’s to pan something I create or someone else. Most 1-star reviews sound either like trolls or just blatantly dishonest. If you want your little 1-star reviews to be taken seriously then check this episode out ASAP.

(Your review reputation depends on it…)

Anyway, enough.

Listen to the mayhem here:

www.BenSettleShow.com/itunes

Ben Settle

Today’s the “Zombie Cop” most-helpful-review contest deadline.

This was a toughie.

They are all helpful and well written. So I have been reading them all over and over trying to figure out which one was the most helpful to a would-be reader. (Even got one from one of my copywriting “heroes” Bob Bly, which completely made my day.)

But, there can only be one winner.

And, that winner is…

My boy Yoav Ezer.

So Yoav, come on down and claim your prize:

Any product I sell.

(Except the Email Players Playbook).

Here is his “Zombie Cop” review:

“Most satisfying book I’ve read in months…”

Zombie cop is like a Steven King novel meets ‘The Walking Dead’ meets Grimm (only without the whining and endless tortured dialogs.)

Bought it on Thursday and was done by Friday night and… I would have finished earlier if it wasn’t for work and having to eat every once in a while.

Here’s what’s freaking awesome about this book:

1. The fight scenes – every chapter has at least one (very graphic) fight scene. And there are a couple of epic battles which left me very satisfied.

2. The characters – Get ready for a ‘game of thrones’ experience. Ben builds up magnificent characters. They are either lovable, fun characters or giant turds and then he proceeds to kill them without remorse. Also… For some reason, Ben has a solid understanding of the teenage mind although I’m pretty sure that chronologically he is way past this age.

3. The mythology – The book seems like an opening to a saga of books that will culminate in an epic, violent battle between the forces of good and the forces of evil (Yummy.)

4. The atmosphere – Very reminiscent of a Steven King book. You constantly have a feeling that something bad is going to happen.

Now… this book is not for everyone…

If you don’t like scary TV shows like ‘The Walking Dead’ or hard core action movies like 300, then you will absolutely hate this book. Really … do yourself a favor and avoid this book. It will make you vomit. Guaranteed!!!

But if you were smiling continuously during 300 (like I was)… then you owe it to yourself to read this book.

Hoowa!

To check the novel out, lurch on over to…

www.BenSettle.com/zombie

Ben Settle

Ain’t it ironic?

I recently noticed Amazon placed my “Christian Business Secrets” book right next to my new “Zombie Cop” novel.

I can already hear the shrieks of Churchianity:

“Ben how can you sell a violent and deranged zombie book next to a Christian book! That is inappropriate!”

Maybe it is.

I don’t really know.

What I do know is this:

1. Amazon’s book placement will help both books’ sales

(Not that it matters to anyone but me…)

2. Maybe I’m a more complicated guy than I thought

3. As my editor Greg Perry said:

“This is always my big bugaboo about lukewarm christian critiques: Ask why Tolkien gets unlimited praise and kudos for showing good elves and wizards conquering evil orcs and demons and wizards but you aren’t allowed to create characters even though YOU, unlike Tolkien, actually use Bible verses to show possible origins of your characters.”

It’s a good point.

So, here’s my advice:

If you’re a mush cookie, don’t read “Zombie Cop”.

It’s violent.

It’s brutal.

And, yes, it’s deranged.

I suggest reading “safer” books — like an Oprah book-of-the-month pick. In fact, don’t even read that Bible gathering dust on your coffee table, either. There is, after all, sex, violence and profanity in it.

And we wouldn’t want you to be “offended” now, would we?

Which brings me to another point.

Something I think about a lot.

And that is:

I can’t imagine 1st century Christians who were being fed alive to lions, nailed to wooden posts and their organs literally hanging out from being scourged with whips being such mush cookies about these things.

Only today’s milquetoast Christians are.

But hey, what do I know?

I got kinda sorta kicked out of the last church I went to.

Anyway, “Zombie Cop” ain’t a “Christian” book.

Nor does it pretend to be.

It doesn’t preach.

And it doesn’t proselytize.

But, here’s the scary thing about it:

There are probably more hard Bible teachings in it (as part of the plot — as I do have a Biblical explanation for zombies and other monsters that will be in the sequels) than a lot of the books in the “Christian” sections of bookstores.

I can’t say fo’ sho’.

But, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Anyway, here’s the “Zombie Cop” link:

www.BenSettle.com/zombie

Ben Settle

P.S. Also…

Tomorrow’s “Ben Settle Show” episode walks you through all the writing and marketing lessons I learned while writing “Zombie Cop” (and the marketing and copywriting stuff I used to help make writing the novel easier). If you’re interested in writing fiction, this show is going to be the fodder for what will probably be a paid product on the subject some day. If you couldn’t care less about writing fiction, I think you’ll still get a helluva lot of value from it for your emails, copywriting, etc.

Anyway, it posts to iTunes tomorrow.

Watch for my signal, Batman…

“Ben. You just seem to have no governor whatsoever.”

– Doberman Dan

The above is one of the coolest things I ever done heard.

My friend Doberman Dan said it.

And, it’s the ultimate compliment.

Why?

And, what is a “governor”?

Well, Dan put it this way:

“It’s like renting the U-haul truck. They put a governor on it so even if you stand on the accelerator, you can’t go faster than 45 miles an hour. If you know how to pull that governor off, you can get that sucker up to 90 maybe.” And what he means by me not having one is, I simply say whatever is on my mind (either in my emails, on my podcast show, facebook, twitter, whatever) and don’t pull back.

If people don’t like it?

There’s the unsubscribe link.

Or delete key.

Or volume knob.

Or mechanism to unfollow/unfriend me.

Hey, don’t let the door hit ya on the ass.

I used to care what people think. And, that held me back in so many ways, I cringe at all the lost sales, opportunity and deals resulted. Anyway, when you use my system you will slowly (or quickly…) start taking your own governor off, too.

Not because you have to.

(You don’t, it’s all good, either way.)

But because you’ll WANT to.

Can’t really describe it.

You just have to experience it.

And the only way to experience it is to subscribe.

Next issue I show you an example of a blogger (my favorite blogger, nothing to do with business) who has zero governor, too. It’s gotten him fired from writing gigs. Kicked out of the Science Fiction Writers of America. And, ruthlessly attacked by the media and his enemies.

But you know what?

It’s gotten him millions of website visitors.

Sold Lord-knows how many thousands of his books.

And, positioned him at the top.

Hey, what sounds better:

1. Keeping the governor on and skating by?
2. Ripping that mo’ fo’ off and making out like a bandit?

If you chose door #2, go here next:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle

What?

Impossible, you think?

Then think again, babycakes.

Here’s how “Email Players” subscriber Tim Mitchum did it:

Not that you care…

…because I am certain you don’t need another “testimonial”, but you’re gonna have to deal with it. Just wanted to share my “aha” moment with your style of relentless emailing and pitching. I bought your program last July and immediately did your 30 day email everyday deal. Obviously it works. I have been learning and continuing to get better etc…

But this last week I was rolling out a new program and was confused on how to do that because I already pitch another product to my peeps everyday. I didn’t know how to switch into “launch mode” and become some weird guy who all the sudden wants you to start listening to them now because it’s the last chance you will ever get…blah, blah, blah. So I said screw it. I am just going to continue emailing everyday and basically say. Hey, I got this new product you’re gonna love because it rocks and you should buy it.  

Well… best week ever and easiest “launch” ever.  

And here’s what I realized. 

Because I email daily, they expect emails daily, and are a captive audience.  I am not all the sudden jumping on them without the relationship you get from daily emails. They already expect me to GIVE THEM A REASON in an entertaining and informative way why they should buy this thing. 

It’s really cool.  So thank you for relentlessly telling me why I should try your style.  For me it works, is much easier, and more fun. 

I have had 4 more orders come in since I started this email.

Crazy…

So there you be.

Another way to profit from “Email Players”.

Check it out here:

www.EmailPlayers.com

Ben Settle