Ben Settle

Much to some peoples’ annoyance… I don’t do affiliates.

And lately, people have been asking me why.

Is it because I’m crazy? Do I like losing out on more of the green stuff? Don’t I know everyone online who makes lots of money uses affiliates?

So I thought it high time to set the record straight.

Here are some reasons I don’t do affiliates:

1. Physical products

My products are all (with one exception) physical. And, after dabbling with affiliates a while back, I realized what a headache it’d be if there were returns from their customers, etc.

2. FTC

Due to recent FTC rules (and by all means, correct me if I’m wrong), I would have to watch what my affiliates say when selling my products… or I could be held liable for any false claims.

Not very appealing.

3. Crappy manager

I hate managing money owed to others. It throws off my accounting mojo, and gives me a headache just thinking about it. Not to mention the freaky trend of anti-capitalism state sales tax laws emerging (i.e. “Amazon Tax”) that could soon make it extremely burdensome for any publishers using affiliates.

4. I preach to the choir, not the uninitiated

This is the most important reason:

The sales letters for my products are intended for people who are “pre-sold” on me, and are on my list already. They’re not intended (or written “to”) cold or even luke warm prospects — which makes them unsuitable for most affiliates or JV deals.

Now, this COULD all change someday.

I never say “never.”

But this is how it is for now.

Fact is, there are many pros and cons to having affiliates, and I would not tell anyone they should or should not use them. (Contrary to popular opinion, there are many high income earning marketers who do NOT use affiliates.)

For some it makes perfect sense.

For others… not so much.

There’s no “one size fits all.”

But that, my friend, is a subject for another time.

Ben Settle

P.S. Despite the above, I actually think affiliate marketing is pretty cool, and even sell a product (using affiliates — via clickbank) on the subject.

It’s called The Affiliate Trump Card.

If you’re interested, you can read about it at:

Remember my last email about “Sun”?

It’s the tabloid publication I said was one of my main inspirations for my marketing, copywriting, emails, blogs, articles and all that jazz.

Well, check this out:

This last Saturday I copied out some of the more interesting and outstanding headlines from the cover, the articles and some of the ads inside.

Not just for my own inspiration and ideas, though.

But for YOURS, too (if you want them).

And without further ado… here they are:

• Rednecks Shoot Down Angel Over Trailer Park
• Beat Brittle Bones — With Beer!
• Real-Life Phantom Of The Opera Stalks Historic Theater
• New Strategy Game Can Save You From Blindness
• Breakthrough Brings Feeling To Fake Limbs
• Secrets Of History’s Greatest Artists
• World’s Warmest Jacket Keeps You Snug At Minus 450 Degrees!
• What Does Your Wallet Reveal About You?
• Classical Cellist Sued For Recording Sad Song
• Bachelor Picks His Bride — By Spinning The Bottle
• Seven Warning Pains You Must Never Ignore
• Why The End Times Have Already Begun
• Satan Stalks The Vatican!
• Real Life Sleeping Beauty Is No Fairy Tale Princess
• Virgin Mary Tears Have Amazing Healing Powers
• Future Stereos Designed With Dogs And Cats In Mind
• Roller Coaster Helps Students Make The Grade!
• Teen Discovers Billion Dollar Booty
• Brain Injury Turns Two-Fisted Fighter Into Talented Artist
• Health Glove Soothes Arthritis Pain

How’s that for headline & idea “fodder”?

It’s so easy to adapt this stuff.

And, kinda fun, too.

Anyway, this is just one (of many) reasons I encourage you to sally forth on over to ye olde supermarket checkout line and grab a copy of Sun today.

The phantoms and psycho rednecks are standing by…

Ben Settle

P.S. Did you like these headlines?

Would you like a giant STASH of them (literally hundreds, if not THOUSANDS) more… free?

When you subscribe to The Crypto Marketing Newsletter you get access to a private yahoo group where I’ve put a link (I call “Big Foot’s Best-Kept Secret Swipe File”) to a secret webpage with hundreds… maybe even thousands (I have not even counted them all) of headlines even BETTER than these.

You can subscribe over at:

My favorite “marketing” magazine arrived yesterday.

A magazine I’ve found especially helpful and inspiring for marketing, sales, copywriting, writing emails… the whole shmear.

Which magazine do I speaketh of?

Is it The National Enquirer?

No… frankly, I’m not even sure why so many marketers get the warm fuzzies about the ‘Enquirer. I know it supposedly has all the best headlines or whatever.

But I just don’t see it.

When I used to read it, I’d either fall asleep or toss it in the trash out of sheer boredom. After all, it’s basically just a bunch of celebrity gossip: Who’s sleeping with who… which model now has the most cellulite… which actor is secretly gay… blah blah blah.

Just not my bag, I guess.

OK, so if not the ‘Enquirer… is it “Cosmo”?

Negative.

I admit, Cosmo has some great headline “structures”, and I’ve found it particularly useful for short, punchy ad headlines, subject lines and blog titles.

But most of them are actually custom made for chicks.

And since I write exclusively to male-dominated markets (golf, self defense, etc) I don’t wanna let all that estrogen-laced verbiage and psychology seep in.

What about “Men’s Health”?

I do enjoy MH, no doubt.

I especially like the “Jimmy the Bar Tender” Q&A section, he’s a MASTER at using storytelling to get his message across.

A great read, but not my favorite for marketing.

So which one IS my favorite, then?

It’s simply called…

“Sun”

A very BORING name for a very cool publication.

It’s basically a Weekly World News “spinoff.”

And instead of lame celebrity gossip… it’s a smorgasborg of bizarre conspiracy theories, Bigfoot (and other monster) sightings, miracle healings, wild predictions and crazy stories about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

I can read this puppy cover to cover.

It’s just a FUN read all the way through and I highly suggest it as a marketing tool.

Anyway, you can grab it at a supermarket near you.

And tell ’em Bigfoot sent ya.

Ben Settle

P.S. Check out chapter 2 in The Copywriting Grab Bag for an especially profitable way to use the Bible, your bathroom and a magazine like “Sun” to generate all kinds of ideas for your ads, sales letters, emails and other marketing activities:

Yesterday I dropped an “F-bomb” in my email.

I guess an “S-bomb”, too.

Apparently, some folks had a real problem with that and, in one case, even questioned my Christian faith.

Yowza!

I have to wonder if that person has read the Old Testament?

In some cases, the words, metaphors and figures of speech are more vulgar than anything on my blog or in my emails. But those passages are usually illustrating a point by “saying” (via figures of speech) far more than the mere literal words convey.

It’s the ultimate form of copywriting.

In fact, the Bible is one of the places I learned the craft from.

But that’s a subject for another time.

Today, I want to answer the profanity police’s gripes:

1. I was repeating what someone else said, not just doing it for the sake of it or to be “cool” or whatever.

2. There’s no other way to do the point I wanted to make justice than by repeating it verbatim.

3. If a couple of old Anglo-Saxon words for fornicate and defecate are THAT offensive to someone (especially in the context they were used) then well, mayhaps they have bigger problems than me?

Like covering their ears, eyes and mouths 24/7.

Because I’d bet if you were to put a secret camera in their homes, you would see them watching movies laced with profanity and using words that are not exactly “clean” when they miss the nail with the hammer or when the car slips off the jack when changing the tire.

Anyway, I’ll end with this:

I’m not a big fan of profanity in emails.

I hardly ever do it (can’t even remember the last time I did, if ever). And it’s not something I recommend at all. But if someone’s wound up that tight about it, then they should probably not be reading anything online at all.

They should also stay away from movies, too.

And, I would suggest not turning the TV on, either.

Otherwise, chill.

Sticks and stones may break your bones.

But I’m pretty sure these emails will NOT hurt you.

Ben Settle

P.S. Speaking of the Bible, there are some truly powerful marketing and copywriting principles inside. Such as the ones talked about on pages 28 and 86 in “The Copywriting Grab Bag”:

So I saw “Clash Of The Titans” yesterday.

Had a blast watching it, too.

Not just from the entertainment aspect… but also the glaring business metaphor that stuck me like an arrow from Medusa’s quiver.

Here’s what I mean:

In the movie, the Greek gods are kept immortal by the worship of humans, whom they pretty much hold in contempt (and never really help, yet seem to torment a lot.)

But when people stop worshipping them, they start weakening.

And even start worrying about their futures.

And you know what?

It totally reminded me of certain goo-roos.

Newbies get seduced by their big promises, practically worship them as rock stars, and get basically nothing in return for their devotion except a huge credit card bill and a trunk full of half-baked products full of recycled bits of info.

You can observe this yourself if you want.

Just like the Greek gods… goo-roo “immortality” starts fading when the launch buzz wears off and the newbies lose interest. Goo-roos then desperately start tossing thinly created products out every month to maintain their rock star status, hoping the “mortals” buy from the NEXT hype-fest around the corner.

It’s so predictable it’s almost scary.

Think I’m being too hard on these goo-roos?

Hey, you’d be shocked by how some of these charlatans talk about their customers when nobody’s listening.

For example:

In Ken McCarthy’s copywriting course, he talks about a seminar where the promoter was getting a cut of the sales in the room. When Ken started telling the guy all the cool stuff he wanted to teach, Mr. Goo-roo (a “household name” Ken thinks we’d probably all recognize) said (and I quote):

“I don’t give a fuck what you teach, just sell them a bunch of shit”

Nice.

Now, am I saying all goo-roos have this attitude?

No, of course not.

There are good and bad apples in every barrel.

But don’t think there aren’t a good portion who DO think they’re little “gods”… plotting how they’re gonna keep getting worshipped by the ever growing pool of newbie mortals.

Anyway, just something to think about.

Sometimes it’s just freaky what goes on in the background.

Ben Settle

P.S. To learn from history’s most persuasive (yet mortal) sales and marketing experts quest on over to…

How about a bit o’ Q&A today?

Here’s a question that rolls in a lot these days, especially from people new to writing ads and sales letters.

Check it out:

QUESTION: Ben what do you think of fill in the blank sales letter templates or software where you type in the benefits and it spits out a sales letter for you? Are they worth it?

BEN: I’m not a big fan of software like that.

I won’t say they never work.

Even a broken clock is right twice per day, no?

And they can be especially useful for basic offers for something your list already wants (a discount, or whatever). But if you want to get your products into as many hands as possible… then methinks you can (and should) do better.

Why?

Because copywriting ain’t about the “letter.”

It ain’t about the “writing”, either.

It’s about your customers.

It’s about their problems, pains, desires and emotions right now, at this exact point in their lives. The kind of stuff that transcends the test results and cold analysis a software program would likely be based on. I think “A-List” copywriter Doug D’Anna nailed it perfectly in The Copywriting Grab Bag on page 250.

Here’s what he said:

“… part of it is the science of testing. I’m a big tester. Another part comes from your instincts. I really sell for the most part, investment newsletters. Yesterday, the market was down 300 points. Today it’s up a little bit. How are those people feeling today? Well, hey, I’ve been around a long time. I’ve studied my customer. That’s the one thing that I feel I do that’s different.”

How about THEM apples?

Doug is one of the world’s top direct mail copywriters. He’s competed against (and has beaten) the BEST in the industry (including the legendary copywriter Eugene Schwartz).

And the one thing he does different is study his customer.

No special software.

No “killer” secrets.

And no super duper swipe file.

That’s selling, baby.

Ben Settle

P.S. You can get the entire Doug D’Anna interview in “The Copywriting Grab Bag” over yonder at:

You may have noticed something lately online.

Especially on certain high traffic websites (like big news sites, or anywhere else where large amounts of traffic congregate). And that is, a small ad with verbiage like “1 weird trick for belly fat” — something short, packed with curiosity and targeted at a large (and rabid) market.

Ever see an ad like that?

Well, here’s what’s interesting:

When you click to one of these sites, you will see a unique way of using online video to deliver the sales pitch. Instead of a talking head or whatever… you see the sales letter delivered on the screen in bite-sized chunks, with someone reading the words, one word at a time.

I have written one of these ads, so far.

But, to my knowledge, it has not yet been tested.

So I can’t say it’s the second coming of John Caples, necessarily.

But, it is intriguing.

It is different.

And it is worth testing if you’re a hardcore tester.

The link below contains a version of how it works that my friend Justin Christianson told me about, that’s been tested thoroughly and is working like gangbusters. (It also has a unique offer if you’re interested in ways of making more of the green stuff online — definitely worth watching all the way through).

Anyway, here it is:

By the way, this is NOT an affiliate link (however, it is a “tracking” link, so they can see where their traffic is coming from).

So I don’t make jack if you buy from it.

But it’s a really cool example of this new format.

Ben Settle

This may seem a bit “creepy.”

But below is something I recently sent my Crypto Marketing Newsletter subscribers.

It’s edited a bit to protect the guilty.

But methinks you’ll find it… sobering.

Here goes…

Lately, I’ve become immune to social proof.

Yes, I like social proof.

And I often use it in my own selling endeavors (it’s particularly useful when setting up joint ventures).

But more and more people are flat using it unethically.

They’re blatantly lying about their relationship (or lack of relationship) with the people they claim to know or be on the so-called “inside” with.

I got “had” like this last year.

Someone wanted my help, claimed one of my friends was helping him already, and it turned out to be blatantly untrue.

Since then I’ve “inoculated” myself against social proof.

Frankly, dropping names no longer impresses me and, in some cases, makes my “BS” antenna go up!

And you know what?

I suggest you adopt the same attitude, too.

There are just too many goo-roo fanboys out there lying or twisting facts around to get what they want.

Some are mere igits with bad judgement.

But others (more than you may realize) are the “sociopaths” Ken McCarthy warns about in his copywriting course (he gives great detail about why sociopaths are particularly attracted to direct marketing and how to identify them).

And just to be clear:

Sociopaths lack the “wiring” to care about other people.

Strange as it sounds… the idea of caring about someone else is as foreign to them as the color red is to someone born blind. And so stealing, lying and (in some cases) even killing is as easy and “routine” as ordering a burger at McDonalds. (They aren’t all killers, necessarily, but they’re more capable of these deeds than someone with a conscience).

Anyway, just something to ponder.

I’m not saying there’s one behind every bush.

But sociopaths and garden variety cons abound in marketing (especially online) — and they LOVE using “social proof.”

Watch your gluteus rumpe’, boss.

Ben Settle

P.S. One reason I wrote “Crackerjack Selling Secrets” was to give people who feel dirty using some of the typical goo-roo tactics a way to sell without pimping their souls to the devil.

For more info…

A while back, I was looking for a social media expert.

At the time, I was thinking of people to interview for the now dissolved Crackerjack Selling CD Club (which was replaced with my print Crypto Marketing Newsletter afterwards).

And so I put some “feelers” out there.

Specifically, on Twitter and other social media sites.

Got lots of feedback, too.

But mostly it came down to about 4 or 5 names. Three of them turned out to be lame interview candidates (all hat and no cattle, if you catch my drift) and one I didn’t trust.

And the fourth?

Well this person seemed like a smart cookie.

And came well recommended (even by other goo-roo skeptics).

So I checked this person’s site out and was actually pretty impressed. They said all the right things, seemed to have a decent grasp on marketing, and even had lots of articles about social media.

But… something seemed “off.”

I couldn’t quite put my finger on what, exactly.

But I knew something was rotten in Denmark here.

So I did something I like to call the “do they practice what they preach?” test. In this case, the person had an article about how, on FaceBook, you should always send a personal message thanking someone who befriends you, or when you befriend them.

Sounded like pretty good advice.

At least, in theory (although redundant in practice).

So I sally forthed and befriended this person, even including a note saying “cool article about thanking new FaceBook friends” (something like that).

No reply.

What a shock, eh?

Now, don’t get me wrong.

I couldn’t have cared less either way about getting a thank you message (I never send them). And maybe something came up or happened with this person that day.

Who knows?

But it smelled an awful lot like goo-roo to me.

Anyway, what’s the moral of the story?

Goo-roos are a dime a dozen these days.

If you want to know which ones are “for real” or not, simply use the same “do they practice what they preach” test and watch what happens.

It’s not 100% reliable (nobody’s perfect).

But I’ve found it to be extremely accurate most of the time.

Ben Settle

P.S. The April issue of The Crypto Marketing Newsletter goes to print tomorrow: