Ben Settle

Hello boys and ghouls…

Been getting mucho requests to do another “marketing monsters” email and so, dang nab it, I’m gonna do it.

Got a couple really nasty ones for ya, too.

The kind that’ll give you nightmares and have you screaming for your mama (or your lawyer) in the middle of the night.

Ready?

Okay then… here. we. go —

Hell Hound Lawyers

These vicious beasts foam blood at the mouth and have no soul.

They do truly nasty things, too — like seek out deals to kill… drag innocent people through frivolous litigation to take as much moolah as they can… and sometimes even defend the other marketing monsters who have attacked **you**!

These killer canines are cunning and vicious.

Often the only way to beat ’em is with your OWN hellhound lawyer.

Pray one never catches your “scent.”

Government Bureaucrat Boogeymen

Just like the hell hound lawyers, these things lack a conscience.

They love to sneak into your personal life, your private records and even your bank accounts… and take and use whatever they want for their own twisted ends.

Unfortunately, LOTS of these monsters roam the countryside.

With more and more created each day.

And the more successful you are, the greater the chances they’ll target you. So make sure you’re prepared.

They’re bite can literally murder your business.

Copywriting Crypt Keeper

This emaciated wretch is more a danger to himself than you.

He haunts the marketing graveyards constantly running ads that are lifeless, useless and don’t have an ice cube’s chance in hell of working.

His laugh is annoying and he stinks pretty bad.

But other than that, this shriveled up bag of skin is no threat.

Unless, of course, you copy & swipe his advertising.

OK, that’s all for now.

I have lots more marketing fiends to warn you of.

For now, sharpen your wits and arm yourself with the right weapons.

Like the marketing & copywriting secrets in The Copywriting Grab Bag and in these daily emails.

That way you can be sorta like the “Van Helsing” of your market.

And have nothing to fear.

Ben Settle

Remember that email about insanity few days ago?

The one where I said the definition of insanity is actually the opposite of what some would have us believe?

Well, here’s a funny little add-on:

That same day, someone told me I’d basically proven Albert Einstein wrong with that email — as the whole, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results” is often attributed to him.

Although, I have heard he never said it, some author did.

But either way, whether Einstein said it or not, there’s one thing we’re in complete agreement with:

We both suck at spelling.

I cheerfully admit to being one of the world’s worst spellers.

And Einstein’s spelling was so bad he was pronounced “retarded.”

Ouch.

But you want to know something funny?

The more ads, emails and other writings I do, the less I seem to care about spelling anymore.

It’s just never an issue.

Especially since most adults read at a 5th grade level — and wouldn’t know the difference between “there” and “their” or “its” and “it’s” anyway.

And it never seems to effect response either way.

In fact, my ads are pulling better than ever — even though I couldn’t care less about spelling and grammar.

The point?

If you suck at spelling, don’t worry about it.

Use your spellcheck and try to sound like an intelligence adult.

But if a few typos or grammatical mistakes slip through the cracks, don’t sweat it.

They may actually work to your benefit.

And hey, if nothing else, you can say you have something in common with Albert Einstein 😉

Ben Settle

P.S. You can learn more about why (and how) bad spelling and typos can help your ads on page 60 of The Copywriting Grab Bag.

It’s a short chapter, but it explains why you will sometimes see certain marketers and copywriters laughing all the way to the bank even while butchering the English language.

Here’s a tip that’s been a loooong time coming.

In fact, I’m surprised so few people talk about this.

Especially since it can have such a nasty effect on your sales, profits and peace of mind.

Anyway, here’s the scoop:

For the past several months I’ve been doing a lot of work in the golf niche. And since I basically don’t know jack you-know-what about golf, I’ve been slowly but surely getting up to speed.

And one thing I recently learned about is “Gamesmanship.”

Gamesmanship is basically when someone tries to sabotage your game both psychologically and emotionally.

It’s done through things like negative, jerky comments and innuendos while you’re playing — trying to mess with your head to screw up your game.

It’s actually pretty insidious.

And it’s why even really good players sometimes choke for no reason.

And guess what?

We have gamesmanship in marketing, too.

There’s always some snarky, “a-hole” grandstanding, never helping, and just driving peoples’ confidence into the dirt.

I see this at LEAST once per week in my own business.

I routinely get emails from know-it-alls living in their moms’ basements telling me how I’m the devil and everything I’m doing in my emails and business is “wrong.”

And trust me, nobody’s exempt from this.

In fact, “A-List” copywriter Doug D’Anna once talked about it.

In my copywriting book he briefly tells the story about when he was just getting started, slugging it out trying to get clients.

Yet one guy — who was well known in the industry — was ACTIVELY telling people to avoid him like the plague. Telling potential clients that Doug was no good. That he had no clue what he was doing, was a terrible copywriter,and not a good hire, etc.

That’s some serious mind games, if you think about it.

(BTW, Doug got a written apology from this guy later when he nabbed his first control).

Anyway, here’s the point:

Gamesmanship happens in business just like in sports.

And when it happens to you (and it WILL), recognize what it is.

Don’t let it rattle you.

And take it as a sign you’re probably doing something RIGHT.

Ben Settle

P.S. If you want to “gamesmanship proof” yourself, here’s how:

1. Shut out the nitwits (that’s why God invented the delete key).

2. Ground yourself in the fundamentals of your craft so solidly you’re impervious to anyone’s stoopid comments or half baked insults.

You can learn over 122 ways to “get grounded” like this at:

Got a fun little tip for you today.

Especially if you’re a Seinfeld fan (like me).

Check this out:

Right now I’m smack dab in the middle of creating a new opt-in bonus for those who join my daily email tips.

It’s an audio/transcript teaching about some really cool selling strategies you can use when selling in your ads, over the phone, in person, on the Internet, social media, in making JV deals, etc

Anyway, below’s a “sneak preview” of it.

A sneak preview containing a tip that, when I finally “got” it several years ago, made selling FAR easier.

Here’s a snippet from the transcript:

Alright, on to sales blunder number 5:

Being needy.

Like it or not, think it FAIR or not, this’ll destroy your sales in a heartbeat. I don’t care if you sell online, offline or on the sidelines — doesn’t matter.

People sense when you NEED them.

When you need their money, their time, their vote or their affection.

And the more you need something, the more it eludes you.

Yet, at the same time, people are almost irresistibly attracted to people who DON’T need them.

To give you a perfect example of this, there’s this TV sitcom you probably heard of called “Seinfeld.” In one episode, George Costanza is complaining to his friend Jerry about how just once in a relationship he wishes he could be the person who isn’t the needy one — and instead be the one with the upper hand.

As George put it, “I have no hand.”

So, in one of his more clever schemes, George, who’s afraid of losing his girlfriend, pulls a complete “180” on her, and tells her he has decided to break up with her.

A “pre-emptive break-up”, so to speak.

The result?

Instead of telling George to hit the road, she emotionally and physically sticks to him like white on rice — even though she was about to dump him.

Now, that’s just a sitcom obviously.

But that’s EXACTLY how it works in real life, too.

If you **need** someone to buy from you, they’ll smell it on you.

They’ll also emotionally (and physically) back off to escape.

They will do whatever it takes to get away from you — like lie and tell you they want to think about it, or say they need to talk with someone else, etc.

But the reality is, you need them, and they KNOW it.

And because of that, they want nothing to do with you.

So the message is clear:

Don’t be needy.

It drives people AWAY from you… instead of attracting them TOWARDS you.

Which is why the less you need, the more sales you make.

Ben Settle

P.S. Been getting lots of questions about if I have an affiliate program for “The Copywriting Grab Bag” book – www.CopywritingGrabBag.com

I’ll have one, but ONLY for people who own it.

So if you want to be an affiliate, the first step is to buy the book.

I only want the “converted” selling it — people who can tell their own stories about how the book has helped them make copywriting easier and more profitable.

If you’re on the customer list, you’ll be receiving details soon.

Learned something kinda disturbing yesterday:

I got a TON of good feedback on the “Mr. Furley’s Sales Secrets” email, which confirmed my original suspicion:

Y’all are just as weird as me 😉

However, one subscriber did have a question:

“Ben, I loved the Mr. Furley sales tips, but how can they be applied to copywriting???”

That’s a great question.

Copywriting IS selling like any other kind of selling. The peculiarities and “mechanism” are unique. But at the end of the day, selling is selling is selling.

Mr. Furley’s macho sales tips are as easily applied to copywriting as any other selling (i.e. belly-to-belly, phone, social media, PPC, etc).

And with a little “stragerty”, you can make Mr. Furley your personal copywriting desktop guru.

Let’s take them one-by-one:

1. Confidence

If you aren’t writing your ads with confidence and authority, then you’re killing your own response. If you come off as some limp-wristed weakling in your ads, nobody is going to care what you say.

So tap into your inner Mr. Furely.

Just make a loud sniff, put your groovy Mr. Furley neck scarf on, and let confidence ooze out of you.

2. Bad Dresser

Again, there’s something “off” about perfectly polished sales people.

And as you’ll see in my copywriting book misspellings, butchered grammar and “bad writing” can BOOST your response.

There’s a reason so many marketers report “ugly” websites and layouts increasing response.

Of course, this isn’t ALWAYS the case.

But dressing your site up like Mr. Furley is certainly worth testing.

3. Un-Okay

Remember, nobody’s perfect.

And coming off as perfect in your ads is a recipe for disaster.

That’s one reason STORIES work so well.

Stories show you’re a human being. That you’ve made the same painful mistakes as your readers. That you are “one of them.”

And we all love buying from other people like us — who were in our shoes and figured out a way to get out of whatever problem your product/service solves.

4. Land Lord

As land lord, Mr. Furley knows how to get paid.

He HAS to inspire people to pay him (on time) on a monthly basis. No late payments, no lame excuses… or he’ll evict your azz.

Same with copywriting.

If you don’t know how to ask for the sale in your copywriting, and get PAID, you’re dead in the water.

So that’s how you apply Mr. Furley’s sales studliness to your ads.

Copywriting IS selling — just in print (or on the screen).

Just about every top copywriter I know studies “full contact” sales and applies what they learn to their copywriting.

And with a little creativity, you can do the same.

Ben Settle

P.S. In The Copywriting Grab Bag appendixes you can learn more ways to apply other sales strategies to your business. Ken McCarthy, for example, reveals some cool telephone upsell tips. And Doug D’Anna talks about how he creates his blockbuster direct mail controls with really basic sales psychology.

Ever watch the old sitcom “3’s Company”?

The show with Jack Tripper and the gang?

My favorite character is Mr. Furley — the dorky landlord.

He was played by Don Knotts and wore obnoxious leisure suits with loud colors, thought he was a “ladies man” and was always bumbling around making a jackass of himself.

Anyway, I recently got to thinking:

Mr. Furley may have been a social leper… but I bet he would’ve been a selling stud.

In fact, there are LOTS of lessons Mr. Furley can teach us:

1. Confidence

At least, when it came to women.

He loved referring to himself as a “macho man” around the ladies (with his characteristic loud sniff.)

And he had no problem letting people know he was God’s gift to women — despite not having a date in years. (Kinda like the consultant who tells you 300 ways to make love but can’t get a date himself).

Anyway, confidence is key in selling.

And in this area, Mr. Furley had lots of it.

2. Bad Dresser

Let’s face it, Mr. Furley’s loud colors (and that dopey neck scarf) don’t exactly scream “sales man!”

Which actually works in his FAVOR.

There’s something about people TOO polished that’s hard to trust.

Yet, many of us have no problem trusting the poor slob who doesn’t match his socks, wears his pants a size too short and butchers every other word out of his mouth.

3. Un-Okay

Mr. Furley is nothing if not “un-okay.”

And people who are un-okay are VERY easy to talk with (and buy from).

A perfect example is the TV show detective Columbo. Columbo does NOT look like the world’s greatest detective. In fact, he always appears to be bumbling and struggling. And it’s an act to get people to lower their guards and reveal information.

But it’s no act for Mr. Furley.

No sir!

He really IS a buffoon.

But he’s also approachable and easy to hang with. Just like that weird uncle who shows up at family picnics everyone loves being around.

Which, of course, makes selling much easier.

4. Land Lord

Finally, as the land lord, Mr. Furley knows how to get paid.

And not only get paid… but get paid over and over and over each and every month by dozens of people.

If Mr. Furley were an Internet marketer, I bet he’d have a great continuity program running on virtual “auto-pilot” that requires as little effort as possible.

After all, he’s too busy being a mac daddy with the ladies to spend a lot of time on it 😉

And that’s all there is to it.

Mr. Furely’s world-class tips for closing sales.

Learn ’em, use ’em, and profit from ’em.

(Just don’t dress like him, necessarily.)

Ben Settle

P.S. And speaking of continuity programs…

This is probably a good time to mention my upcoming continuity program about selling (ANY kind of selling — copywriting, marketing, face-to-face, phone, social media, PPC, SEO, setting up JV’s, the works).

Don’t worry, it won’t be outrageously expensive.

And you will get a free copy of my new book about 101 easy and ethical selling secrets (which will cost $97.00 on Amazon soon) just for trying it.

To hop on the notification list for updates, go to:

Have you heard the latest FTC hoopla?

The gummint “chatter” about how they are reviewing the testimonial laws and (from what I’ve seen) making them so tight, it won’t hardly even be worth using testimonials anymore?

Well, nobody really knows what’s coming down the pike.

But a lot of marketers seem pretty freaked out by the idea.

Me?

I rarely rely on testimonials (even if I have them) to do my selling for me. They are, in my opinion, one of the weakest forms of proof out there right now. They are easily manufactured and most sound completely canned anyway.

Hey, don’t get me wrong.

I LOVE using testimonials.

And I have them on my own ads when possible.

I’m always, for example, using them to sell my copywriting book.

But this lame idea that you “need” testimonials is a myth.

I remember at least one time where testimonials HURT my response.

And you know what?

If you can’t sell without testimonials, you got bigger problems.

Probably with your positioning, story-telling or (and this is always the biggie) with your message to market match.

Anyway, here’s my point:

Don’t let the FTC’s latest brain fart shake you up.

If you focus on learning to sell using the natural (never changing) laws of human behavior and basic sales psychology, you got nuttin’ to fear from the FTC boogeymen.

In fact, since so many other marketers tend to rely on testimonials (instead of learning how to SELL), you’ll be WAY ahead of the game.

Just use their ignorance of selling to your advantage.

Ben Settle

P.S. For dozens and dozens and dozens of ways to write ads that pull mucho response — whether you have raving testimonials or not — scootch on over to www.CopywritingGrabBag.com

Well, it finally happened.

Something I’d been dreading for two years FINALLY came to pass.

And, as is usual when something stoopid happens, there’s powerful, business lesson in it.

Here’s the story:

Since moving to the coast 2 years ago, I’ve made it a habit (when it’s not raining, at least) to walk my dog on the beach.

And each time we get there, we have to walk past this giant group of seagulls. And each time we approach them, they go crazy, flying around all over the place. And each time I KNOW they’re gonna take a dump (i.e. poop) on me.

Well guess what?

Last Friday, it finally happened.

A big gooping mess flew right onto my sleeve.

Uhg.

Anyway, here’s why you should care:

This kinda-sorta happens in selling and business, too.

No matter who you are… or how SUCCESSFUL you are… you are always going to be faced with things you dread in business.

Something annoying you KNOW is coming… eventually.

The “business bird poop” that, as much as you wish otherwise, is going to land smack dab on you one way or another.

Maybe it’s an objection you’ve been scared to death someone will ask. Or you’ll get a question you feared answering because you don’t know the answer. Or perhaps you will deal with a client who’s a pain in the azz you have to “fire.”

Look, business bird poop can take any number of forms.

And it always sucks when it lands on you.

But you know what I discovered?

When that bird poop landed on me, after 2 years of KNOWING it was going to happen, it wasn’t that big a deal.

For one thing, it landed on my sleeve.

It could’ve been worse — and landed in my face, right? And it just wasn’t a big thing at all. I simply went home, took the shirt off, and went about my day.

It’s the same in your business, too.

When bird poop hits you (and it WILL) be thankful it wasn’t worse.

Just take off your shirt, throw it away and move on.

Do that and next time you probably won’t dread it.

In fact, you’ll laugh at it.

Ben Settle

P.S. If you’d like over 122 (heck, more like 200) secrets for creating ads that will help “bird poop proof” yourself, jump on your high horse and gallop on over to:

Let me tell you about the “waving guy.”

Back when I first moved to this area in 2007, we drove into a town about 30 miles south where I live and were greeted by a most unusual sight:

A guy walking up and down the street… WAVING at everyone.

As someone who is originally from the big city Chicago-land area, I must say, it was shocking.

Here was this guy walking up and down a major street through town, waving and “greeting” everyone driving by.

And when you honk your horn, he also bows and tips his hat!

Just the coolest thing you’ll ever see.

Since then, whenever we go to that town, we’re always looking for him. Sometimes we see him, and sometimes not. But when we do see him, we (along with most other cars) honk and wave back.

Corny as it sounds, it just makes you feel good to see this guy.

You almost look FORWARD to it.

It really puts things in perspective, too.

Here’s a guy who is being kind and decent for no reason whatsoever.

He doesn’t ask for anything.

Doesn’t want anything.

And doesn’t have any “agenda” but to brighten peoples’ days.

Which is exactly what he does.

We’ve even noticed that if we were feeling a bit stressed, angry, frustrated, etc, that it ALL goes away when we drive by this guy.

All that “junk” is replaced by a feeling of gratitude and joy. Like you’re just happy to be alive — free on God’s green earth.

Anyway, last time I saw him, I got to thinking:

What an awesome metaphor for how businesses should behave.

How much difference would it make to your business, your health and your overall peace of mind if people thought of YOU the same way people think of the waving guy?

Where people look forward to hearing from you?

Look forward to telling people about you?

And look forward to buying from you?

And not because you even necessarily have the “best” product or service. But just because you leave their lives a little better than BEFORE they did business with you?

Anyway, just something to think about.

How can you be the “waving guy” (or gal) in your industry?

The business people figuratively honk their horns at when surfing your website and reading your emails, and flat out feel GOOD they met and did business with you?

It’s worth some serious thought.

Especially today, with so much despair and chicanery in the world.

Ben Settle

You can read more about the waving guy, and learn his truly inspirational story here: