Ben Settle

  • Book & Tabloid Newsletter Publisher
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  • Alt-Copywriter
  • Software Investor
  • Pulp Novelist

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Following is the kind of info I usually only share in my “Email Players” newsletter.

But, time is of the essence.

And, I want to make a point.

You see, for the past two years (until I moved back to the blessed coast just last week…) I lived in Roseburg, OR (What I have not-so-affectionately dubbed “The Burgle”) which you’ve likely seen on the TV recently.

If not, the tl;dr version is:

A murderer shot and killed a bunch of people in the local community college, Obama rushed out there to exploit the situation for his idiotic anti-gun agenda, and, during his visit, the media descended upon to the town to interview and show all the straw man “THEY TOOK OUR JERBS!” crazies mindlessly (and probably drunkenly) spouting nonsense, while purposely passing up interviewing the thousands of regular, thinking folks there.

Such is the media’s agenda.

Anyway, here’s the point:

My friend and “Email Players” subscriber Trevor Mauch has tirelessly worked to make the town an entrepreneurial beacon for tech companies and other businesses. He even sold elBenbo on moving there a couple years ago from the blessed coast (such is Trevor’s persuasion skills).

And, well, let’s just say this incidence hasn’t exactly helped his cause.

Or has it?

It’s my contention that with all the media focus on the The Burgle, and all the chaos and negativity directed at it, Trevor and the other people who are there trying to grow the business community have a small (very small) window to make the skeleton dance and *use* all this negative energy to sell thousands of people actively looking to relocate from ridiculously anti-business states like California (for example) in droves.


You don’t know what making the skeleton dance means?

It’s a term from George Bernard Shaw, where he said:

“If you can’t hide the family skeleton you might as well make it dance.”

Sales trainer and speaker Barry Maher took that and turned it into an entire sales philosophy (it’s quite brilliant) where you find the flaws in your product or service and not just admit them… but turn them into reasons to buy.


My friend Peter Van Zijl.

He owns a great company that sells apparel to military vets, cops, firefighters, and other patriotic types. And, when I got to talking to him a few months ago, he said one of the “flaws” in his model is it takes his factory several weeks sometimes to deliver a shirt or hat or whatever… when they can get other similar products in 2 days via Amazon, etc.

My advice?

Strap on some parachute pants and velcro high top shoes… and and make that skeleton break dance.

A moon walk, back spin, or the centipede will do.

In this case, I said to tell his customers:


“listen, it takes us weeks to get you your shirt because we don’t use cheap materials from China with child labor and we hand craft each garment just for you. We hand inspect everything that goes out the door. We’re not going to send you — America’s heroes and inspiration — anything but the best, highest quality material and product. When we send you your product it won’t fall apart at the seems in 3 months, it’ll last forever. You’ll be able to pass it on to your kids and grand kids…”

And so on and so forth.

By doing this, the long wait is not only not a problem, it’s a badge of honor.

And so it is when you make the skeleton dance.

Okay, back to The Burgle:

There are few places in America with less going for it in the media.

Innocent people were just killed.

The media painted its citizens as mouth-breathing psychopaths.

And, it’s probably the last place any serious business owner wants to move his operation and raise his kids in.

That is, until elBenbo’s marketing plan (below) has been implemented.

Here is my advice to my droogie Trevor and others in the Burgle who want to grow the area and attract the best and brightest companies.


Okay, here goes:

1. Run a FULL page ad in the LA Times or whatever the biggest California media publication is read by the kind of entrepreneurs you want to attract

2. In that ad use the headline:

“Why Roseburg Oregon
Is The Safest And Most Profitable
City In America
For Overtaxed and Over-regulated
California Companies”

(That’s kind of crude, you get the gist)

3. In the first part of the ad come clean about Roseburg.

The shootings. The high crime (I don’t call it the Burgle for nothing). The meth problem (my place got burgled by some meth addicts last month to the tune of $50k worth of valuables, and at least one local pawn shop actually has a sign that say, “No Tweakers!”). The 11%+ unemployment. The crazy mouth breathers who were interviewed by the media recently. And the list goes on.

Come clean on all of it.

Leave no damaging admission untouched and highlighted.

And, add as many more in as possible.

4. Then, in the next sentence say:

“And believe it or not, here’s why all these things are a boon to California business owners who want a safe place to raise their families and make more sales in a month than they usually make in a year…”

(Again, crude copy, but ye get ye olde gist)

5. Then go into all the reasons why so many 7 and 8 figure companies, celebrities, and California winery and other business owners have been flocking to The Burgle over the past several years.

For example:

  • All the reasons why it’s uniquely set for unprecedented economic growth unlike anything ever seen in rural Oregon history.
  • How its unique geographical location will soon force (everything has been set in motion) the town to have (per capita) more entrepreneurs than even Portland.
  • How its surge of new wineries and breweries popping up every year are (and have been) drawing business owners from California and around the globe.
  • How a number of business groups are being created each year to take advantage of this growth — like Trevor’s “Y.E.S. Group” (Young Entrepreneur Society of Umpqua Valley ), The Loft Project (downtown entrepreneur workspace), the RAIN (Roseburg Angel Investor Group), the Umpqua Business Center, SOWI (Southern Oregon Wine Institute) and several other groups quietly helping usher in this once-in-a-lifetime-unique entrepreneur movement.
  • How the city is stealing medical professionals (who see what’s happening and eagerly flock to the Burgle) from around the nation from other parts of the country each week.
  • How the local newspaper’s “Money Monday” section on entrepreneurship is gaining statewide attention… attracting thousands of people to the town who want to be a part of this incredible moment in history.
  • And, how the city (with all its flaws and blemishes) has created and/or attracted companies to it such as Willowood USA, LLC (Oregon’s 12th fastest growing company and did over $20 million in revenue in its first few years)… Orenco (300+ employees that Designs, builds, sells, installs massive portable septic systems for the US military in Iraq, etc, as well as has contracts for spy equipment, etc)… (International player in the cellular industry… headquartered in Silicon Valley but the President of the company lives full-time in Roseburg because he loves it)… Invictus (builds spy drones in Roseburg)… Ingram Books (HUGE company in the mainstream publishing world with a giant facility in town)… Victory Builders (the owner’s home was featured on HGTV’s “Million Dollar Rooms” TV Show)… tmscallcenters (take the calls for Beach Body infomercials like “Insanity”, P90x and lots of other brands you’d recognize — when people order these off TV, they’re talking to people working at a Roseburg based call room)… Umpqua Dairy (dubbed the “Best Dairy In the Country” in 2013)… (Multi-million dollar online business well known in the fitness supplement world)… Ford Family Foundation (2nd largest private foundation in Oregon. $700mm endowment. Top 100 in asset sizes in the U.S.)… and the list goes on…

The ad should talk about why these companies are there.

Why all these millionaires from California are picking this sleepy little town to raise their families and build their companies.

And, why now is the time to check into it, as any company that gets in before the town hits critical mass is going to clean up just by being there, as has what happened to companies in other similar situations.

6. He should have the full page ad direct people to contact him personally.

And then, as leads come in, Trevor could sell those leads to the local real estate people at a premium and make put some coinage in his pocket at the same time.

7. If this works (and who really knows if it will until tested…) he could put similar full page ads, radio ads, online ads, magazine ads, and maybe even TV ads out there doing the same, paying for themselves (and hopefully making him a profit for his time)…




My boy Trevor has won the Internet.

Anyway, that’s one way to do it.

But, the window of opportunity as the media hype dies down is closing faster than access to Hillary’s private email server.


That’s all I got today.

This is the kind of info I sometimes share in the not-so-hallowed pages of the Email Players newsletter.

To see what the fuss is about with it, go here:

Ben Settle

  • Book & Tabloid Newsletter Publisher
  • Email Supremacist
  • Alt-Copywriter
  • Software Investor
  • Pulp Novelist

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