Ben Settle

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File under: Copywriting & Sales Letters

I once heard a motivational speaker tell a cautionary story about the utter foolishness of newbies, amateurs, and beginners always seeking “advanced” info.

The story went like this:

A young punk full of piss & vinegar found a wise & very skilled kung fu master to learn from. And the first thing this foolish punk told this wise kung fu master was:

“I want to learn advanced fighting!”

The kung fu master thought about this for a second.

And, replied with?


“Yes Master, show me advanced fighting so I can kick some ass!”

So the kung fu master lead his eager new disciple to a lit candle. He then threw a punch so fast, the speed of his movement put the candle out!

“Advanced like that?” asked the kung fu master.

To which the punk kid nearly exploded in excitement:

“Yes! Advanced like that! Teach me that!”

To which the master replied:

“First, you have to learn how to punch.”

This is something that applies to many a newbie who has scaled the treacherous terrain to my mountain lair in “Email Players”, wanting to learn email, copywriting, and marketing. And, the vast majority of them never last past me giving them the most basic of instructions. In fact, last month one especially foolish lady in the MLM niche even told me the advice I gave her about how to grow her business was “disappointing.” And the reason why is she was seeking advice on how to put out a candle with a punch, without learning the basics, first — such as what part of the fist to use to punch, how & why to use her elbow to punch faster than normal, how to position her body so she can use the force of gravity to make her punch far more devastating, the best parts of her opponent’s body to strike, and the list goes on.

In her mind, she thinks she’s advanced.

But her questions – all extremely amateur – showed otherwise.

Thus, the basic 101 info I gave her to start with.

Which brings Yours Crotchety to the point:

Few want to learn the marketing & copywriting equivalent of the above punching example.

Thus, they are the ones that tend to, for example, subscribe to “Email Players” and ask questions that anyone with a marketing 101 grasp of the fundamentals should already know first (Fun fact: there’s little I can do to help newbies who are too lazy to have learned the fundamentals before subscribing — which is why I spend so much time in these emails mocking them and turning them away) and then quit soon after.

Learning the basics is not supposed to be “easy” or “fast” or even “fun.”

If it was, everyone would do it.

Instead, few ever bother to or have the character to.

And, thus, they never outgrow mediocre at best, and fail miserably at worst.

Everyone wants to learn the copywriting & marketing equivalent of Pie Mei’s Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. But, nobody wants to spend the months and years learning the raw basics of how to research their market, how to write an ad, build a list of responsive leads, mail that list day in and day out to build trust and learn how to best sell them, and the list goes on.

Which brings me to the rub:

The January “Email Players” issue.

It won’t show you any advanced marketing or copywriting techniques.

But, the copywriting & persuasion technique it does teach can be far more effective than any other copywriting & persuasion technique I’ve ever seen.

It’s also extremely newbie friendly, too.

As well as something experienced pros can use to ratchet up sales.

But, like the sales letter clearly says:

You have to have a list and offer to use what the newsletter teaches.

Otherwise, who is going to read your sales copy and emails when you apply it?

This is common sense, but common sense is far from common. Especially amongst those too lazy or too stupid to want to learn the basics of direct response copywriting & marketing first, which you must know in order to effectively use this secret technique, which is, in my opinion, a rather newbie-accessible marketing equivalent of Pie Mei’s Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique. But even a newbie should know the basics of copywriting before attempting it.

All right, enough kung fu analogies.

Let’s get it on:

The deadline to get the January issue is almost upon you.

If you try to subscribe after that, you will not get the January issue.

Here’s the link:

Ben Settle

  • Book & Tabloid Newsletter Publisher
  • Email Supremacist
  • Alt-Copywriter
  • Software Investor
  • Pulp Novelist

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