Ben Settle

Seems whenever I do ad critiques, one of the things people always have trouble with is the ever-frustrating opening paragraph.

It’s not quite as important as the headline.

But it’s still important and can sometimes even help make or break your response.

So today I thought it’d be helpful to share a simple opening paragraph “template” that can get the job done in a pinch.

Especially if you’re writing to your own list… and especially if you want to avoid having an ad that screams “SALES JOB!!!!” at first glance.

I’ve used this opening several times now, and it really works.

Here’s a “real life” example of what it looks like:

Hey (name),

A few months ago I was going through a bunch of subscriber email questions and one question that popped up over and over again went like this:

“”Ben, I need to be a better copywriter. But I’m confused, not getting the results I want, and don’t know where to turn. What copywriting course, book or seminar do you most recommend?”

My answer:

See how that works?

It doesn’t look, feel or behave like most other sales pitches, does it?

Instead, it starts with a question that quickly and immediately builds rapport with anyone interested in wanting to be a better copywriter.

Here’s another example:

Hey (name),

A few months ago I was going through a bunch of subscriber email questions and one question that kept popping up over and over again went like this:

“Ben, I want to be a freelance copywriter. But I’m just starting out, have no contacts in the industry and don’t know what to do. Is there a course or book you recommend?”

My answer:

Pretty simple, isn’t it?

And it works for anything you want to sell — including niches that have nothing to do with copywriting or business-to-business.

All you do is take your customers’ most frequently asked questions, or a problem they have, and “plug” it into the template.

Try it yourself and see.

Take the above examples and adapt them to your product and service.

Not only will you stick out like a sore thumb from your “hype ‘n scream” competitors… but your readers will probably be way more likely to read (and respond to) your offers.

Once upon a time I had an ad critiqued by one of the world’s few copywriting geniuses.

Not a freelance copywriter.

But someone who makes millions writing ads only for his own products and services.

In other words, someone who really does work without a net — and who doesn’t have the luxury of a fat copywriting fee to fall back on if his ads fail.

Anyway, after reading my sales letter he said something I’ll never forget.

Something brilliant and simple that completely changed the way I wrote my copy.

He said (paraphrased):

“This letter has a lot of original thinking in it. It has a great story. And it looks fascinating. However, it reads like a sales letter — and that’s its downfall. Write, don’t copywrite.”

So true.

So very, very true.

And I immediately removed all the “ad style” promises, ditched the flashy “National Enquirer-like” headline, stripped away the turn-of-phrases that impress other marketers and copywriters… and just told the story.

The result?

Instead of an ad that screamed “sales job!”, it said, “hey, I got some fascinating information about how to solve your problem. Wanna hear it?”

This is extremely important.

Because when you write your ads this way, instead of sounding like a used car salesman jacked up on hype and fake excitement, you sound like a regular person.

Someone people can relate to, bond with and believe in.

Frankly, when this is done right, you don’t feel like you’re even being “pitched.”

You feel like someone’s sharing interesting information with you that’s completely relevant to you and your problem.

Trust me, the difference — in both appearance and actual results — is night and day.

One person I showed some ads like this to said the effect, “is almost under radar.”

And that’s exactly right.

Of course, this is nothing new.

The late (and brilliant) copywriter Eugene Schwartz taught this publicly in a speech to Phillips Publishing:

“You are presenting a showcase for your product. Just like a store showcase on Fifth Avenue. You want the person to be able to look through the copy like the person is able to look through the glass in the showcase and see the product inside. If that glass becomes dirty, reflective, or calls attention to itself in any way, you have failed.”

Powerful advice, isn’t it?

And yet, I doubt one copywriter in ten really does this — not even the ones who preach it to everyone they talk to.

Anyway, here’s the bottom line:

The next time you’re tempted to mimic the “hype-and-scream” style of your competition… consider what the genius copywriter I mentioned earlier said:

Last summer I met a copywriter from the U.K. named Adam Carroll.

Adam works with some of the big name direct mail copywriters and has sent me links to ads from guys like Gary Bencivenga, Clayton Makepeace, Parris Lampropoulos, and Jim Rutz.

Anyway, instead of hoarding these ads for myself in my swipe file, I thought it’d be fun to share some of them publicly on this blog.

So without further ado, let’s get crackin’…

1.) The first ad is from Jim Rutz.

Jim Rutz is an amazing copywriter who co-invented the magalog.

According to Adam, the ad below is one of his health market ads:

http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/offers/order_ihs_mag.html?sk=157412

2.) Next, here’s a Gary Bencivenga ad that’ll get your mouth watering (literally!):

http://www.davidrosengarten.com/landing_page.asp

If you’ve been on my blog “alerts” list you already saw this last month.

(If you aren’t on my blog “alerts” list, and want updates when I come across great ads and useful resources like this, you can subscribe at the right hand side of the page where it says “Free Copywriting Newsletter.”).

By the way, if you hear a “growling” noise while reading this ad, don’t worry.

It’s just your stomach.

3.) Another Gary Bencivenga ad sent to me by Adam:

http://www.markskousen.com/visitor.php?offer=10441

From what I understand, this ad has been running a LONG time now.

And the psychology of the headline is discussed by Gary Bencivenga and Clayton Makepeace at:

http://www.makepeacetotalpackage.com/ezines/library/ezine40.html

4.) Speaking of Clayton Makepeace…

Here’s one of his ads:

http://phobos.doctorspreferred.com/Emails/JRCA/mcm_default.html

Notice how this ad isn’t just one continuous page?

It’s more like a “web magalogue” (webalogue?)

Interesting, eh?

5.) Finally, some ads from my swipe file I haven’t had a chance to post until now.

Eugene Schwartz’s famous “Dr. Chang” piece:

http://www.bensettle.com/Swipe-File/Dr-Chang.pdf

Warning: This is a little blurry on some pages. Special thanks to Alger Cavalloro for helping me shrink it down and fix it up so it’s more readable.

And here are some older Eugene Schwartz ads from back in the 1960’s:

http://www.bensettle.com/Swipe-File/machine-evening.pdf

http://www.bensettle.com/Swipe-File/twice-young.pdf

http://www.bensettle.com/Swipe-File/human-computer.pdf

http://www.bensettle.com/Swipe-File/live-100.pdf

Okey-dokey, that’s it for now.

I’ve learned a lot from studying these ads.

I hope you do, too.

P.S. Special thanks again to Adam Carroll for sharing the Gary Bencivenga, Clayton Makepeace and Jim Rutz ads above. If you’re looking for a copywriter, and would like to see his work, email him with the words “Copywriting Project” in the subject line.

Make sure you let him know I sent you and he’ll treat you right.

Who would have thunk it?

Even government bureaucrats are realizing simple, easy-to-read language results in more “sales.”

Think I’m joking?

Then check out this USA Today article.

Washington state lawmakers tripled the revenue they receive from one of their (many) business taxes simply by wording the tax in “plain English.”

Amazing, isn’t it?

And let’s face it.

If a bunch of dorky politicians can use this “secret” to make money…anyone can.

Besides “the nuts and bolts” of writing copy… it seems a lot of people who read this blog want to know the business side of things — how to make a living writing ads for clients.

I’ve never pretended to be an expert on this subject.

Especially since I don’t do a lot of “client” work anymore.

And on the rare occassion when I do accept a new client, it’s because they found me by word-of-mouth.

Even so, I do know of at least one powerful (and free) resource that can help you find quality clients.

It’s a report called “Make More Money By Writing Less” by a direct mail copywriter named Richard Armstrong.

You probably won’t hear much about Richard Armstrong in the usual copywriting “echo chambers.”

But he’s been in the copywriting business for a long time and knows it inside and out.

He has written direct-mail letters for publications like Smithsonian, Prevention, Men’s Health, Kiplingers, The New Republic, The American Spectator and National Review.

And several years ago he invented an extremely simple way to attract more clients, better clients, and, most importantly, better-paying clients — no matter who you are or where you’re at in your business now.

Anyway, you can download this report by going to:

www.goddoesntshootcraps.com

and clicking on the navbar that says, “free gift for copywriters.”

Make sure you check it out today, while it’s still up.

It’s only seven pages long, and yet it’s some of the best advice on getting and dealing with clients you’ll ever see.

Not long ago I was reading a short interview AWAI did with master copywriter Jim Rutz.

And in that interview he said something extremely interesting about testimonials.

He said while it’s great to have testimonials, the reality is almost nobody reads every testimonial in your ads word-for-word.

Which means, if you have really great performance and “celebrity” testimonials… the kind that do wonders for your credibility and make it easier for people to believe what you’re saying…then you’re probably not getting the best “bang for your buck” out of them.

Take, for example, this ad I wrote for a martial arts home study course.

There are testimonials from a bouncer, a security guard, a policeman, soldiers in Iraq and the chief self defense instructor of the New York City Police Department.

All of them extremely powerful credibility boosters.

Yet all of them practically useless if nobody reads them.

So what did we do about that?

We simply worked the fact these people use the product in the copy itself.

Like this:

That’s why people who deal with violent criminals and other “whack jobs” on a daily basis — like bouncers, security guards, inner-city cops and military soldiers in Iraq — use this exact same system I’m sending you.

Even the chief self-defense instructor of the New York City Police Department — who’s a life-long student of dozens of different martial arts styles — says he uses this system.

See how that works?

You simply reference those great testimonials in the ad itself.

That way, even if someone skips reading your testimonials word-for-word, you still harness the credibility from having those people endorse your product.

And you can do the same thing with any “celebrity” or “authority” testimonials you have.

Don’t just let them linger in a sea of other testimonials where they will, at best, get glanced at.

Reference and even expand those suckers right in your copy.

Tell your readers how the mayor of your town eats at your restaurant… Or that your local high-school’s star athlete takes your vitamins every day… Or about how that world champion cat breeder feeds his own cats your cat food, etc.

If you don’t tell them these things in your copy then they’ll never see them if they ignore or don’t feel like reading your testimonials.

For the ultimate impact, do this right before or after the most outrageous claim in your ad.

That way you will add a big fat layer of credibility to that claim and make it 100% believable.

Anyway, give it a shot and see what happens.

I think you’ll find your copy becomes more believable, more effective and more profitable.

A while back a friend of mine was having a problem selling a high quality juicer in the housewares store she works at.

Since my friend uses the juicer herself, she had no problem explaining its advantages, performances and benefits.

But one customer demanded to hear the juicer before buying it. And the second she turned it on the customer was immediately put off by its obnoxious, super loud noise.

He didn’t care that it squeezes out every last drop of juice. That the motor has a lifetime warranty. Or that it’s light weight, easy to clean and small enough to fit unnoticed in the corner of almost any kitchen.

As soon as he heard its ear-splitting sound he moved on.

“Any ideas on what I can do about that?” my friend asked. “It’s a great juicer, but it really is loud.”

I suggested two things.

1.) Admit the noise up front.

I mean, how long can she keep it a secret?

If nothing else, her customers will discover the juicer’s loud noise when they get home and end up returning it.

2.) Try to “spin” that noise into a reason to buy.

“Why is the juicer so loud?” I asked.

“Because the motor has to spin at super fast speeds to extract the maximum amount of juice and separate it from the pulp. So it makes a loud noise.” She replied.

“There you go,” I said. “Just say that for now on.”

Since then, she hasn’t had a problem with that objection.

Now, why am I telling you this story?

Because this concept of spinning flaws into benefits is just as relevant to copywriting as it is in face-to-face selling.

In fact, there’s a great story about this on page 154 of Eugene Schwartz’s classic copywriting book “Breakthrough Advertising”

Back in the 1930’s Lifebuoy sold a soap that was perfect in every way… except for its nasty medicine-like smell.

Their solution?

Their ads said body odor could not be eliminated with “ordinary” soap, and what made Lifebuoy’s soap so effective at eradicating “B.O.” was the strong medicinal-smelling ingredient built into every cake.

In other words, they spun that horrible smell into a compelling reason to buy.

And nabbed millions of sales as a result.

You can do the same thing.

If there really is an annoying flaw in your product — or even a small drawback — don’t hide it.

Instead, spend some serious time thinking about how you can spin it into a real and believable reason to buy.

Not only will you add a thick layer of credibility to your sales pitch (since you’re being honest), but if you do it right, you’ll make your product even more irresistible.

If you want to dramatically improve your copywriting skills… and if you want to do it as quickly as possible… then here’s all you have to do.

For now on, whether you’re writing an email to a friend, a letter to your grandmother, or a memo to a co-worker… start writing in “copy.”

In other words, forget about formal structure, forget about proper grammar, and forget about trying to sound “professional.”

Instead, treat everything you write like it’s sales copy.

You know what that means, right?

Short, choppy sentences. One or two word paragraphs helping break up the page. Easy-to-digest language that sounds like you’re talking and not writing. And words that induce emotion, image and belief — instead of just cold, hard logic.

Trust me.

Doing this will explode the speed at which you are able to write profitable copy faster than you ever dreamed possible.

How do I know?

Because I’ve done this myself.

And almost like magic — my response went up and more money went into my bank account.

And you know what?

I can almost guarantee you can do the same thing.

Anyone can.

You just have to learn the basics of writing copy and then apply it to everything in your life whenever possible.

But here’s the thing.

While writing everything in “copy” will almost certainly make you a better copywriter… it will murder your other writing skills.

I kid you not.

Back in high school and college I used to get straight A’s in English class. I even used to help people write their term papers and reports when they got stuck. I had a natural “flair” for writing that astounded my teachers and made breezing through my English classes a piece of cake.

Now?

Well, now I’m not so good at “writing” anymore.

I’d even go so far as to say I suck at “writing” in any kind of formal style. My old English teachers would cringe if they read my ads, articles and other writings.

In fact, I tried to submit an article to a real newspaper a few weeks ago and it totally flopped.

Even though the idea behind the article was something any paper would want to publish… and even though I had help from a friend with dozens of published books and articles (and truly understands what good writing is) I couldn’t get it right. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ran out of ink in his red pen while marking it up!

So just know, if you choose to learn to write copy this way, you will not be impressing any of your colleagues or people who really are good “writers.”

Frankly, many of them will laugh and sneer at you, and try to “correct” you at every opportunity.

But that’s okay.

Because your copy will improve by 100% (at least) and the ads you write will be that much more powerful, and make you that much more money.

A couple weeks ago while lurking in an Internet marketing forum, I saw an ad selling a book on natural bodybuilding tactics used over 100 years ago, that was posted online for people to read and critique.

It was actually a pretty good ad (especially for someone just learning how to write copy). But since English is the author’s second language, he had trouble making his ad flow and sound unbroken.

Anyway, strange as it sounds, that’s where the real strength of his ad was.

In fact, I suggested he trumpet the fact English is his second language right up front, before saying anything else.

Why?

Because not only would it make his ad stick out from all the slick ads written by copywriters and marketers who have more experience than him — but it would actually help his response because he would sound like a regular person, and not a “copywriter.”

And so, in my response to him, I copied and pasted the opening paragraph of an ad similar to his (selling a body building product) that said:

“My name is Leo Costa. I’m a professional weight lifting trainer, strength developer and nationally known educator. I’m not a professional ad writer. But what I have to share with you is so extraordinary and so powerful, I decided to write you myself. So bear with me a little.”

And I suggested he simply modify the details and “essence” of his opening paragraph to match that one.

Not only would it make him (and his ad) sound more believable and personable…but it would also create an air of mystery (and credibility) to the product.

And you know what?

If you’re just starting out… or if you’re simply writing to a hyper-skeptical market (who are always on the lookout for hype and “BS”)… you should consider doing the same thing.

Why?

Because many times when you go out of your way to say you’re not an “advertising guy” or “copywriter” — even going so far as to include a few grammatical blunders and well-placed typos — you actually make yourself (and your claims) more believable and “real.”

Which makes it much easier for your readers to bond with you, trust you, and ultimately, buy from you.